his head toward the trail as if to say, Let’s walk.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” I repeated as I fell in step beside him. I shivered uncontrollably, though I couldn’t tell how much of it was from the breeze.
“Would it have changed anything?” he asked quietly.
“Yes! Yes, it would’ve.” My lip trembled. “Maybe. I don’t know.”
“Maybe what? Maybe you would’ve felt sorry for me? You ripped my heart out and stomped all over it. Why would knowing this have made any difference? I didn’t want pity friendship.”
“You weren’t afraid he might hurt me after what he did to you?”
David raised an eyebrow, and a choked sound escaped his throat. “Kelse, no. If I thought that for a second—”
I waved him off, shaking my head in frustration before he could say more. It was a stupid question, and we both knew it. The Ryan Murphy who’d been my boyfriend would never dream of raising a hand to me. But Ryan Murphy the baseball player was obviously an ass hat.
“I feel like I don’t even know him,” I whimpered.
“Pretty crappy feeling, isn’t it?”
My words came out in a choked whisper. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t apologize for what he did. It’s not your fault.” He scuffed the pavement. “Besides, I told him I wouldn’t tell you. You needed to hear it from him, not me.”
Typical David. Always trying to do what he thought was best for everyone else.
“I’m not apologizing for him. I’m apologizing for me. You keep forgiving me, for every stupid, hurtful thing I do to you, and I don’t know why.”
We paused as we reached the end of the sidewalk, where the boulders loomed, irregular lumps in the moonlight. David looked at me, taking in the shivering, sniffling wreck before him. “I’m kind of an idiot when it comes to you. And I don’t know why.”
Then he held out his arms to me. I stepped into them, letting him hold me and rub my back and wrap me in warmth until I finally stopped shaking.
I sighed against his chest. My arms dropped slowly and I reached for his hand, not ready to let go of him yet. “Do you want to keep going?” I asked, nodding toward the rock trail.
His eyes widened with surprise. “Keep going? This was always the end of the road for us.”
I nodded, threading my fingers through his. “Maybe I’m not scared anymore.”
David’s grip tightened around mine, but he didn’t move. When I looked up to search his face, he kept his eyes cast down. The corners of his mouth curved into an unsettled line.
“We’d better get going, Kelse,” he said as his hand slipped from mine. “It’s gonna be a long ride home.”
“Long” wasn’t quite the word.
Awkward? Yes.
Quiet? Unbearably.
Nauseating? Abso-frigging-lutely.
Between Ryan and me, and Violet and me, and Violet and David, there was enough friction in the limo to start a fire. I sat between Candy, who held my hand the whole way, and Molly, Steve’s date. I didn’t want to be next to Ryan, but I didn’t want to cause more trouble with Violet by sitting anywhere near David.
I spotted my car as we pulled up to Ryan’s house and felt a huge surge of gratitude that I hadn’t carpooled with Candy like she’d wanted to. Now I could go home and cry over the ruins of the night without having to bother anyone else, or worse, having to stay there because no one had enough brain cells left to operate a vehicle. Except for David, and Violet would have none of that.
“Call me tomorrow,” Candy whispered as she hugged me good-bye. “Are you sure you’re okay?”
I nodded into her shoulder. “I’ll tell you everything tomorrow.” I’d only given her the ten-second version of the story in the bathroom after David and I came back from the Cliff Walk. There were too many nosy people and not enough time for more.
She squeezed my hand before heading toward Ryan’s front steps, where he held the door open for everyone filing into his house. Everyone except Violet and David, who took off in Violet’s car together. When Candy disappeared inside, Ryan looked over at me.
“Come on,” I said, opening my car door and indicating he should get inside. “You wanted to talk. Let’s talk.”
I threw my shoes and purse in the backseat as Ryan trotted over to my car and slipped into the passenger seat. The door shut behind him and instantly the tension became palpable again, like he’d sealed us inside a vacuum.
With the exception of a