mistress, not a woman who ought to be scorned and shunned.
Rather, she had been a woman of modest means, a kind friend, a dedicated member of the local parish, and a mother who loved her daughter and the son who never came up from London to visit her. Decker was grateful his mother had possessed the opportunity, unlike so many women in her position, to start anew and to be remembered as the woman she was rather than the decisions she had made.
But the process had also been bittersweet, because he had been forced to face the reality that he had been nothing more than words on a page to her for the last seven years. He could not undo what had already been done. Could not rearrange the past into a more suiting picture.
All he could do was do his best, from this moment on. His best for his wife, for his sister, and for himself, as well. He sighed as he thought of Jo, who had been a comforting source of strength at his side. She had been strong when he had been weak. When his mind had been too shattered with grief to comprehend what must be done, she had seen to every detail. She had become a confidante to his sister as well in the days since his mother had died.
But the nature of their stay at his mother’s home had not lent itself to private time alone. Lila had been so distraught over their mother’s death that Jo had bedded down in her room each evening, to help her sleep through the night. Although Decker had missed Jo’s comforting presence in his own bed, he had been willing to relinquish her for the sake of his sister. Lila was so very young to lose her mother, and the shock and sleeplessness of the initial few days of their stay in Hertfordshire had left him falling asleep the moment his head had hit the bloody pillow.
Now, he, Jo, and Lila had all returned to his townhome.
Jo had decided to personally see Lila settled in her new room and get her personal effects sorted. Which left Decker once more alone, staring down a veritable mountain of correspondence upon his desk, with the distinct, uncomfortable need to explain himself to his wife burning in his gut. However, he would not put himself before Lila. His sister was an impressionable, terrified twelve years old.
He was a man fully grown.
He could share his beloved wife with his sister for another few hours, until everything was sorted for Lila. Already, Jo had arranged for interviews with prospective governesses in the coming days. Further proof she was a far better woman than he deserved.
He had to tell her about the letter, about Nora, his past. He had to tell Jo he loved her and wanted to start a family of their own. The feelings that had assailed him when he had been at his mother’s deathbed had not faded or left him. Indeed, they had only grown stronger.
He loved his wife. The next time he made love to her, he intended to plant his seed in her womb. He would speak with her soon, he promised himself, seeking distraction by the sorting of piles of correspondence. Mayhap tonight. Or when she finished with Lila. Thus far, the moment had never seemed the proper one in which to begin. They had scarcely had a minute alone together since arriving in Hertfordshire.
Decker began with a pile of reports which had been assembled by Macfie, who was proving his mettle and settling matters with aplomb, as expected, in his absence. He had singlehandedly corrected a design flaw in the newest piano, arranged for a second printing of their wildly successful book Confessions of a Sinful Countess, and balanced the ledgers for the Black Souls Club. He had also suggested a new lease consideration, along with providing the finalized documents from Mr. Levi Storm’s North Atlantic Electric Company.
He was going to have to give Macfie an increase in pay, Decker decided.
A subtle knock on his door interrupted his solitude at last.
Grateful for the diversion, and hoping it was his wife on the other side of the portal, Decker bid the intruder to enter.
The door opened to reveal his butler, Rhees. “Mr. Decker, there is a Lady Tinley calling for you. I have explained the family is in mourning and you are not at home, but she is being quite adamant in her desire to see you.”
Fuck.
One