helps. And babes.”
Mace flashed a wide smile. I envied his ability to rise above the bullshit or, at the very least, put it away to deal with it when he was alone. We’d all watched Fiona’s brutal murder on that video, so we had that darkness to deal with, now, too. Maybe if I was part of the Ashby inner circle, I’d know the progress on finding out who had taken her out and that would give me some peace, some closure. But I was only an employee, so nobody told me squat. I had to deal with this on my own.
If only I could do that shit, handle it like Mace, maybe I could stop not talking to the Army shrink.
“Babes. Is that all you think about?”
“Not all,” he said and rolled his eyes. “But come on, Emmett, look around. You’re surrounded by babes in peak physical condition, and you’re not taking advantage of it. At all. Makes me wonder if little Emmett is broken or something.”
I shoved at his shoulder. “There’s nothing little about him, fucker, and I don’t shit where I eat.”
“Yeah, I get that,” he said, his tone thoughtful. “But bro, you don’t do anything but work, so how you gonna meet someone to take that pain from your eyes?”
“What’s with you, Mace?” I did some stretches while we rested between sets. “It’s like you have some spiritual umbilical cord straight to Mother Earth.” The guy always sounded like a fortune cookie.
Mace laughed. “Being in tune with nature means being in tune with yourself. Your pain and your health, your healing. It’s why I’m mentally healthy and the rest of you fuckers are…tortured.” He flashed another proud smile and smacked his tattooed chest a few times. “Plus chicks dig guys who’re in touch with their feelings. Just some friendly advice from a pro.”
That made me snicker. “Pro?” I said in his face. “Pro what?”
“Professional lady wrangler, fucker. I got more game than all of you.”
“Or lower standards,” Provo added on an exhale, dodging Mace’s flying workout glove easily. His earbuds not as airtight as I thought.
“I get what I need and so do the ladies,” Mace said, laughing off Provo, then settled in for another set.
While I spotted Mace, my mind drifted to the blue-eyed beauty with thick brown hair that my fingers itched to touch but couldn’t. Vanessa was gorgeous and sweet, completely unaware of her charms, but she wasn’t ready to move on from Lance. And even if she were, she’d probably move on with a flashy guy like Provo, who wore his badassery like a badge of honor, while I hid mine. At least according to Terry. And my shrink.
I wasn’t flashy because it wasn’t my style, but my shrink might also say it was because my dad was a flashy motherfucker who liked to flaunt what he didn’t have. Money. Jewelry. Drugs. Connections.
I didn’t need that kind of adoration. If someone wanted me around, it had to be just for me. The Ashby family, for example, hadn’t kicked me to the curb when I refused to take a fall inside the octagon.
Instead, Sadie and Jasper found another place for me within the organization, unlike my own mother who only came around when she needed money. Needed to lie low from her latest dealer or abusive boyfriend. Unlike our dad, who only showed up when he had some kind of bullshit scheme he knew Jasper or Sadie would want in on.
They never did. So I only saw my parents about three times a year, not my birthday. Not Christmas. Just…randomly.
Between my nonexistent parents and the Army, I learned a valuable lesson about solitude. Some called it loneliness, and yeah, it was lonely sometimes, but it was better to be loved for who I was because that was the kind of love that lasted. No matter how much I struggled with the dark side of the Ashby business model, and I did, the family was there when I needed them. I didn’t judge them or what they had to do, and it made my existence a lonely one. The Army had changed me, gave me a greater appreciation for life. It made it harder to take a life, but the Ashbys had never once asked me to do that.
That was the kind of connection I was interested in because the rest was just bullshit dressed up as something more.
Chapter Six
Vanessa
“Hey sweetheart, you on the list?” A big man with smooth, honey-brown skin, a toothy,