More.
Times.
That was five, in total.
The first was by far and away the best but it was up for grabs which reigned supreme of the other four. I could likely argue in favor (for hours) for all of them.
The last time was on the couch in the comfy seating area off the kitchen. We’d gone down to raid the fridge. Or I had, I was starved. Lucien had been feeding a lot, he couldn’t be hungry. And we got sidetracked.
It was the first time he let me be on top. After we were done, still joined, I rested my torso on his wide chest, burrowed my face into his neck and fell fast asleep.
I didn’t know how long ago that was. It could have been minutes or it could have been hours. Now I was awake and, out of nowhere, it hit me.
And it felt like I’d been struck by lightning.
Lucien’s behavior was not about making me cow to him, to submit, to change, to be something he wanted to force me to be.
He’d said and demonstrated more than once that he always wanted me.
Just me.
It was about me submitting to what he was.
I had to accept him, in all his bossy, domineering vampire-ness and the other sweet or gentle or generous parts besides.
He wasn’t taming me.
He was taming that part in me that held me away from his differentness. He was showing me who he was, what he was, how he behaved and I had to accept it, all of it, without him being anything but Lucien.
You live your day-to-day life hiding the essence of who you are; you don’t want to let someone into that life who won’t accept you for that same thing.
Even embrace it. Even rejoice in the beauty of it.
I felt tears fill my eyes.
I was such a moron!
“Sweetheart?”
Oh my God.
Could he hear tears? That would suck!
“What?” I asked and I was pleased my voice sounded normal.
“You aren’t asleep.”
“Um…” I couldn’t answer. I was busy trying to control my tears and I succeeded but just barely.
“Is there something on your mind?” he queried gently.
Yes, many things were on my mind. Weighty things. Ayers Rock style weight or at least it felt like it.
“Not really,” I lied.
His arm grew tight. “You can sleep, Leah. What happened last night won’t happen again.”
He thought I was worried about my dream.