swallows thickly and adds, “Why? Not because you feel obligated--”
“Stop. No, that’s not why. Don’t ever think that,” I answer quickly, not wanting her to ever get that idea in her head.
“You don’t understand,” her voice wavers and she shakes her head slightly, the wind brushing the hair from her face. “You want this, just what we have right now.” She says the words like it’s a bad thing.
“Of course I do.”
“I want you anyway I can have you. Like this, with a baby, with no baby. I’m so willing to… I don’t know how to explain it but it… It doesn’t… I don’t want to force you into something or be with someone… who…”
I cup her head with the back of my hand, waiting for her look at me. “Grace. I can’t tell you what I will want a year from now. Shit, I don’t even know what I'll want a month from now, but I'll want you in my life. I want you.”
“I want you, but I want a family, too. I just wish it hadn’t happened like this and the last time I saw you…” Her voice carries the same no-bullshit attitude as mine and she holds my gaze.
My heart beats loud in my chest and I swallow thickly, still holding her gaze.
I lick my lips, feeling my pulse race as I splay my hand on her lower back and pull her close to me. “I was a fool and I’m sorry. But I’m here now; I’m not leaving and I don’t want you to walk away from me.”
“I don’t want to walk away.” Grace huffs a sad laugh, shaking her head. “But you know me. And I know you,” she swallows, her voice cracking. “And if it’s not what you want... then we can work something else out and I’ll survive.” Tears form in her eyes and I shush her, rubbing her back and kissing her forehead.
She doesn’t stop, she lets it all out. “I love you and if this stays the way it is… I know I’ll let it be whatever you want it to be. I’ll let time go by. I’ll let you never commit to me. I’ll be sacrificing something I may never be able to have, and I’ll regret it. And Charlie, I want this baby. I’m so damn sorry, but I want a family too,” she wipes her nose with the back of her hand and then under her eyes with her fingers, all the while shaking her head. “I love you, but I want a family. I want a loving family. I don’t want to trap you or…”
I pull her back some by her shoulders so she can look at me as I say, “I want a wife, I want a baby. I want to fill my house with pictures of my kids and clutter from all those little toys.”
She’s still wiping away tears as I add, “Come move in with me. Let’s try this for real.” It’s not fucking around or a game, or pretend or a stupid drunken deal. I want to put my all into this, for her and for our future.
“Not for any other reason than to see if we can make this work?” she asks me. Right then and right there, I know how the rest of my life is going to be. She’s going to be right by my side if I can help it. I know with everything in me that we will make it work. Because she wants this and so do I. It’s easy between us. It always was. I was the reason we were apart. If I give her this, it’s over. I’m done for. She’ll have me wrapped around her finger and knocking her up again in no time. I search her eyes and all I see there is love.
It’s what I feel for her, too.
“I already know we work Grace. You’re my sweetheart.” I answer her with the only truth I know. “I want to be with you and that’s the only answer there is. I love you, Grace.”
Grace
Unwrapping a stack of plates, I move from the living room into the open-concept kitchen. The theme of this room must be gray, because the appliances, the countertops, and even the cabinets are gray and smooth. I set the plates down and open all the cabinets, searching for the place where the plates belong.
I find them in the last cabinet I open, far away from Charlie’s stove and refrigerator. Picking