started my story. “Everyone loved him, the coaching staff respected him, my teammates all but worshipped him. We always used to joke about how hot he was.” I shuddered. “Lots of the girls even said they’d paid for private training, which just made us roll our eyes, but it was all speculation. He was a flirt and charismatic.”
“He’s a douche,” Matt said in a cold voice.
“Yeah.” My voice cracked. “He’s that too.”
Silence descended again as Matt waited for me to say more, but I’d rather have hurled myself from the penthouse window. I didn’t want Matt to look at me with disappointment, not after all of the pride I’d seen in his eyes.
Somehow, I again felt Erik’s eyes on my skin, his lingering peppermint breath as he tried to kiss his way down my neck. I reached for my drink again then rested my hand on Matt’s. “It snowballed, that’s the only way I can explain it. One day he was teasing me, accidentally touching me and apologizing for it, and I just didn’t think anything of it, you know? I was a senior then. He’d never touched me before, but he started asking me to stay late after practice. It was when a lot of teams got interested, so he said I needed to put in twice the amount of work.”
I couldn’t look at Matt’s face, but I felt his heavy breathing, his anger as it swarmed between us, ready to strike out at any time.
I exhaled. “It was late, the trainer had left, and Erik said I needed to make sure that I stretched, so he told me to lie down on the table. When I did he joked about me being too sweaty and said to take off my shirt since I was still in a sports bra. It made sense, I was drenched and uncomfortable.” I could still smell the antiseptic in the air, see the yellow lights as they flickered overhead as I lay back, and I winced. “He started stretching my legs, nothing unusual, but his hands moved higher and higher until I kind of, I don’t know, flinched against him.” Nausea rolled in my stomach. “He held my legs down and then laughed when I struggled. I jumped down and finally pulled away from him as he backed me against the wall. He said I should stop saying no, that nobody else ever did. And then he said he could help my career.” I hung my head in shame. “And a part of me was afraid that he was right. That he could make or break me. I shoved him away, told him I wasn’t like that.” Tears welled in my eyes. “And you know what his answer was?”
Matt’s grip on my hands tightened. “That I was. He said I was like that as he gripped my ass, and then I felt—” Matt bit out a curse. “I felt him against me . . . completely aroused. I hated myself in that moment because a part of me wanted to have his attention when everyone else wanted it, but it was fleeting.” I paused. “He said I looked at him a certain way, and I wondered if I did something wrong. Was it because I wore my hair down and he yelled at me to put it up? Was it because my shorts were too short? Did I lead him on or do something wrong? And then he slid his hands under my bra and told me I wanted him. I was so damn confused, so when he kissed me . . .” It felt like someone had punched me in the stomach. “When he kissed me, I kissed him back—briefly—and then he started undressing me more.” Matt leaned toward me like he was ready to either pull me in for a hug or reach for more alcohol. “And the worst part is, mentally I was fighting him, I was telling myself it was wrong, but I was afraid that if I didn’t give him what he wanted, he’d ruin my career. I realized then that he’d probably done it to other girls, but at the time I just thought that they’d had disrespectful attitudes.” I reached for my drink again. “It was over fast.” I downed its contents. “I don’t know what I expected, not what he said . . .”
“What did he say?” Matt’s voice was low, dangerous, predatory.
I finally looked up into Matt’s furious gaze. “He said he thought it