what we did?” Rhys looked so lost and forlorn that Emerson wanted to pull him into his arms and smother his face in kisses.
But then anger ignited inside him, and he gripped the countertop, trying to hold himself together. “When were you gonna tell me?” He gave himself away by stealing a glance upstairs.
“About Audrey?” Rhys asked, and Emerson nodded, his knuckles turning white. “Fuck, I don’t know. Maybe tonight? I was just… I knew this would happen, that you would overthink things, and I…goddamn it. This weekend was just so…”
Amazing? Unbelievable? The best he’d ever had?
“Was this weekend some sort of experiment to see if your memory would return? Or maybe you were with me because I feel safe?”
“Are you fucking kidding me right now?” Rhys looked like he’d been struck across the face, his cheeks slashed with color, and Emerson immediately felt the guilt trying to worm its way inside his blinding misery.
“Lower your voice,” Emerson hissed, hoping their conversation didn’t carry above the din of Sam’s nature music he used to lull himself to sleep every night. But even the sound of the freaking babbling brook couldn’t ease Emerson’s nerves tonight.
“So Audrey doesn’t get upset—again?” Rhys bit out. “Why the fuck didn’t you tell me yourself?”
His pulse battered against his throat. “Because the hospital staff said not to overwhelm you with memories, and that’s exactly what you were afterward—overwhelmed.”
Rhys pointed an accusing finger. “That’s a fucking sorry-ass excuse.”
“Fine.” He began pacing the length of the kitchen, his hand pulling at his hair in frustration. “It’s because the way it happened between us—pre-accident—was so natural and…and incredible, and then Audrey walked in on us and it was like you snapped out of it and fucking panicked, or hell, I don’t even know…but you ran out on me. Ran right out that door, and I didn’t hear from you the next day or the day after.”
Rhys’s eyes got wide. “Em—”
“And then you went climbing, and we were gonna see each other for the first time that weekend, but then the accident happened. And when you woke up and didn’t remember what happened between us, I was fucking devastated.” All his emotions clogged his throat at once, and he nearly lost it. Nearly broke down in tears. Admitting it to Neil earlier and now to Rhys was putting him through the wringer. “And I’ve been so damned terrified that you’ll suddenly realize you don’t really want any of this again. Or that maybe what happened between us was some sort of manufactured feeling. Maybe because I’m familiar right now when your life has been turned upside down.”
“You think my feelings are somehow contrived because of how screwed up my memory is?” Rhys stepped toward him, but Emerson couldn’t handle the closeness, not right then, so he shrunk back against the fridge. Rhys’s face fell, but he stayed put, a safe distance away from him. “You couldn’t tell how much I wanted you?”
“I don’t fucking know, okay? It was only after Audrey told you what happened that you kissed me again.”
“Again?” His eyes pinned Emerson in place. “I initiated the kiss last time too?”
“Yeah.” He dipped his head. He was absolutely the chickenshit in this scenario, wasn’t he? Always cautious and unsure and afraid of everything being fucked up. Except when it came to his feelings about his best friend.
They stared at each other across the space between them, which felt like a wide chasm that couldn’t be bridged. At least not yet.
“I can’t take it if I lose—” You. I can’t fucking lose you. Don’t you get it, Rhys? Emerson paused and took a breath. “I just need some space right now and…time.”
“Sure. Fine.” Rhys’s lip curled as if he were about to say something else. Maybe an echo of past arguments they’d had about Emerson being too uptight or super stubborn. “Take all the fucking time you need.”
He strode past him toward the front door. Just like last time, he was gonna fuckin’ bail on him. And what? Go sleep on his couch across the street? Or call a friend to meet him for a beer?
Emerson held his breath as he watched Rhys grip the door handle, then stand perfectly still, like maybe it had all clicked in place for him too. That he was gonna leave. Again. Rhys braced his head against the door, breathing heavily, before turning and heading in the opposite direction, to his room.
Emerson grew motionless for another long minute, and somehow the silence accentuated