think back to the moment when I decided to pay a professional detective to locate them. Find them. Bring me back the boy at any cost. For weeks, I had believed that he would be better off growing up with me instead of his cheating mother and her traitorous boyfriend.
But it all dwindled to nothing. As the months went by, I gradually grew more and more confident that I was never going to see that kid again.
And it finally sunk in.
I was living a lie, and a year later, I was freed.
I locked all those memories and the gut-wrenching emotions they brought along in a box and buried it deep in the dark corner of my mind.
Belle came into my life with a ray of sunshine and a banging headache, knocking that damned box open, letting all of the demons out.
Wiping the vapor from the mirror, I examine myself with a fresh eye. Along with the demons, I must admit, Belle also unlocked my deep capacity for love and passion. Abilities I have been keeping at bay for fear of disappointment in the everyday women I come across.
But she is different. She makes me feel alive. She makes me want more. She makes me look forward to things I thought I had lost all interest in.
As my eyes go over the very body that embraced her just last night, I think about how her love can change my life. We can go as slow or fast as we want. We’re still young, with all the time in the world to understand each other on a more profound level.
She wants to have children, and she has no idea what I would give to be their father. A father who’s present, who knows what it’s like to be a miserable child and do everything in his power to raise happy ones.
I can give her the world, if only she lets me.
Reaching for fresh boxers and a tee, I remember the way she looked lying down in my bed at the cottage as the sunrise cast its cool light on her pure skin.
And it hits me.
She looks a lot like Lola. How did I miss that? They both share the same raven hair and dark blue eyes edged by long sweeping black lashes.
Is this a coincidence, or am I attracted to the same aesthetic?
Yes, it’s only the looks.
Belle is nothing like Lola. Belle is kind, helpful, generous, and honest. Lola was sour, selfish, greedy, and unfaithful. Belle spends her time making her parents proud, volunteering to feed the unfortunate, and goes out of her way to help a complete stranger who fell off his horse.
Lola seduced a poor man who was led by his primal instincts, causing him to lose his job and forcing him out of his own town. Belle showed up on a horse with a bottle of cold water and a warm heart.
They’re nothing alike.
After getting dressed, the first thing I want to do is call up Frankie and get together for a genuine heart-to-heart.
“Hey, man,” I casually greeted him.
“Hey!” He draws it out, chuckling. “Where you been? Thought you were abducted.”
“Buck didn’t tell yah?”
“He hesitated and I respected him for that. He’s really a keeper, y’know.”
“I know. I plan on giving him a raise next month.”
“Good call. So, where were yah?”
“What d’yah say you finish work and come over? I got cold beers and a giant bag o’chips.”
“Alright.” He chuckles. “Gimme a coupla’ hours.”
“Waitin’ for yah.”
In the meantime, I check the fridge to make sure that we have enough to eat and drink. I know it’s about to be a long one, since Frankie and I never hold back when the topic is worth digging.
As I take the laundry out of the wash, I pull each item one by one to hang them out to dry. I mournfully sniff every piece, but the detergent has wiped away all traces of Belle’s fragrance.
“If you’re going to hurt me, let’s not do this. I promise I won’t chase after you.”
Out of nowhere, her request comes back from my memory and into my consciousness. And I shake my head. How can I possibly explain to her the complexity of my history without destroying everything we have?
I quickly get the laundry over with and make my way to the kitchen, determined to give myself a break until Frankie gets here.
Making myself a cup of coffee, I think about how Belle mentioned that a stick of cinnamon would go well with my sugar and