are reading this letter at my funeral. (If you aren’t then I owe you an apology … or you chickened out, but, let’s be honest, that would never happen. You are the bravest person I know.)
So here is what I leave behind. It’s a list of the things I learned throughout my life:
1. Family is more than the people tied to you by blood. It’s also the people tied to you by love.
2. Never, ever give up on family, even when they’re begging you to. In fact, that’s when you need to hold on to them the most.
3. Learn to cut people out of your life who do nothing but bring you pain. This kinda goes against the hippie love thing I’m feeling because of the pain meds but I learned that having people around you who don’t want to be there is a waste of energy.
4. Never turn your back on someone who genuinely needs you. Sometimes this rule trumps number three but it takes a really special person to do so.
She’s talking about me. For her, I’m the exception. And somewhere in the back of my mind, I hear her laugh, like she’s agreeing with me. It would be amazing if not for the humming that mingles with her sound. I squint my eyes together and when I open them, thankfully, the white noise is gone. But so is the laughter.
5. Love like your life depends on it. Never be afraid to tell someone you love them and never look away when someone says it to you. True love will see through all the masks we wear and will chip away at the walls that we build to protect ourselves. All we have to do is let it.
6. Never underestimate the power of a laugh. It is the music of the soul and has the power to bring joy back into a person’s life.
7. Don’t discount your importance to the world. Each moment of your life has a purpose, even the ones you think don’t matter. And don’t forget to make the unexpected choice. You never know how that one moment can transform your life.
8. Also, be aware of the power words have on those around you. They can lift people up but they can bury them, too.
9. Don’t be preachy. Yes, I know this seems a little hypocritical, seeing as how I have a captive audience listening, but realize for some things, agreeing to disagree is better than fighting.
10. Find faith in something, even if it’s a rock band you would travel across the country to see on a whim. But don’t expect to have a seat at the concert if you don’t buy tickets.
Behind me I hear Daniel choke back a laugh and I make a mental note to find out what she’s talking about.
That’s it. My Top Ten Rules of Life. I think I did pretty good at following them. Then again, I did make them up, so I had an advantage.
RJ, I hate this. I hate saying goodbye. To you, my parents, Daniel. To everyone who ever cared about me. I hate going away. And as angry as I am that this is what is happening to me, I can’t bring myself to complain about how unfair it is. I mean, there are so many people who have it worse off than me. I could be a Chilean coal miner, after all.
This time it’s my turn to choke on unexpected laughter.
My life may have been short in time, but it was long in moments that mattered and in love. In the end, isn’t that what life is all about?
Chapter 34
There isn’t a dry eye in the place as I gently fold the paper and walk away from the microphone. I’m deaf to the whimpering cries and blowing noses as I take my seat. All I can hear is the thudding of my heart and I swear it skips a beat because of the hole left by Madeline’s death.
My eyes cast down to hide the salty tears. I sink against the seat back, looking up to give Mrs. Quinn a limp smile when she turns around and pats my knee. My mother, who’s sitting next to me, wraps her arm around my shoulder and tries to pull me close, but I shrug her away. It’s not that I mean to hurt her. At first, I think I’ll explain later how I can’t breathe and how I’m afraid I’m going to run screaming from the room