I stared at the screen for a hot minute, waiting for his response. Or at least for some signs a response was coming. When his text did come in, it hollowed my stomach.
CaptainAsshole: I don’t know what to say.
He could have opened up about his childhood. He could have told me how he’d been used to get to Collin. He could have shared the tiniest nugget about his past and I would have clung to it out of hope that our relationship had the chance of actually going somewhere.
Instead, he chose to do nothing. No sign of growth. No sign of him trying to be anything other than what he was: broken, bitter, and stuck.
With tears in my eyes and a stuttering in my heart, I sent the only response I had.
Me: I guess I don’t know what to say, either.
Chapter Thirty-Six
Kennedy
And that was the end of that.
A week went by and I didn’t hear from Joe again. His silence should have brought me peace, because at least it was clear where we stood. At least I could move on. Rebuild. Figure out what life looked like without a job to fill my time or the guy who made each day better than the last—right up until he left me hurting more than I ever had.
Joe had a chance to open up to me. He didn’t.
Everything I needed to know hid in that choice.
But that didn’t stop me from swiping up my phone and obsessively reading and rereading our messages. It happened without me knowing…without me choosing. One second I was going about my day, the next, my finger hovered over the conversation thread, seconds away from reaching out to see how he was. It was my favorite self-destructive addiction, better than any social media site out there. Today, I actually had the first few words of a response typed in when my phone rang with a call from Nan.
“Hey, lady,” I said, stuck somewhere between relief and disappointment. “How goes it?”
“I got so used to having you around all the time, I’m really missing you. Any chance you’d be interested in coming for a visit? Delores and I are baking today.”
I pinched the bridge of my nose as I gnawed on the offer. Baking was on my list of potential hobbies, but I couldn’t go to Nan’s. “I really miss you too, but, I just don’t think I could handle running into Joe. I’m sorry…”
“He’s not here, Kiki. It’s the only reason I asked you to come in the first place. As much as I’d love to see you two back together, that’s none of my business. If it happens, it’ll be on your terms, not mine.”
Her voice sounded like love. Like understanding. Like a soft spot to land. Seeing as I was in dire need of all three, I would have been a fool to turn her down.
I thanked her and promised to be there soon. It wasn’t like my newly single, unemployed self had much going on. The last week had been a crash course in how empty my life had become. I’d let work be my definition. Without doctoring consuming all my time, I had no idea who Kennedy Reagan Monroe really was. And without Joe, my social circle shrank to Mom and Nan, with a side of Delores for good measure.
Not exactly a shining example of a well-lived life.
I drove with silence for company, then pulled to a stop in the driveway, surprised by how much it hurt to see the place. Ever since I was a kid, Nan’s house felt like a second home. But now, Joe was everywhere—which made it feel more like home and less like home in some twisted double bird from the universe.
The crisp lines of the porch contrasted the drooping ferns planted in front. I remembered the sweat glistening on his back as he hammered the steps into place. A smile ghosted my lips at the memory of the hammer crunching his finger and the parade of curse words that followed. I thought he was insufferable back then.
I’d been wrong.
And right.
Underneath that rude, defensive exterior was a sweet man with a heart of gold being eaten from the inside out with bitterness and rot.
Until he came to terms with his past, he couldn’t make a future. At least not with me.
With a shake of my head and quick breath past pursed lips, I climbed the steps and pushed inside. The image of