Joe, standing in the doorframe the first day we officially met stabbed me in the chest. The sun shining behind him had cast his body in shadow and I’d enjoyed the strong cut of his shoulders and fuck-the-world stance. At the time, I’d chastised myself for taking in the view.
Turned out I should have listened.
I brushed the thought away.
“Knock, knock,” I called as I stepped inside.
“In the kitchen!”
I wandered back to find Nan and Delores laughing in a cloud of flour as they slid a tray of cookies into the oven. Chocolate streaked their faces. Delores had a smudge on her shirt and dough dripped from Nan’s hair. I smiled despite the hole in my heart.
Nan plopped a cup of tea in my hands, and the three of us sat at the table.
“How’s the job hunt going?” she asked. “Any prospects?”
I sighed into my mug. “I honestly don’t know what to do. I want to find a practice where I can pour myself into helping my patients instead of focusing on the dollars and cents of medicine, but there just doesn’t seem to be a lot of that out there.”
The idea of following in my Dad’s footsteps and joining Doctors Without Borders had grown more and more appealing. After learning he hadn’t abandoned my mother, I’d gone back and read all the letters he’d sent. Back when I thought he’d bailed on Mom and me, his tone had come across as bragging and egotistical. Now that I knew the truth, the man sounded plain happy. Maybe, what worked for him, would work for me, too.
I explained all that to my grandmother. “Whatever I do,” I added, “I’ll need to make a decision soon. The money won’t last forever and I’m getting tired of sleeping on the floor.”
“You could always move in with me.”
“Oh, Nan. That’s so sweet of you, but I really can’t. Not while Joe’s here.”
“He’s almost finished the renovations.” The light behind her smile faded. “He’ll be moving on soon.”
That stung. It shouldn’t have, but it did. Joe moving out of the guesthouse would be the period punctuating the end of our story, with the least satisfying resolution. “That’s something to consider, then.”
The timer on the stove dinged and she stood. “Oh! I hope they turn out this time.”
“Maybe today’s the day.” Delores met my gaze with wide eyes and a slow shake of her head.
Nan collected her cookies from the oven and plonked the baking sheet on the counter. The edges were burnt and the middles were raw. “I don’t think I’ll ever be any good at baking,” she said with a solemn sigh. “Maybe it’s time I just give up.”
“Why would you do that?” I stood to hunt down an edible bite. “I love your cookies.”
“You can’t honestly love them.” Delores looked mortified at her honesty and aimed an apologetic shrug at her friend.
“But I do.” I glanced eagerly between them. “They may not always taste the best, but I’ve always loved eating them. It reminds me that you don’t have to be perfect at something to enjoy it.”
Nan examined a cookie with a deep frown. “And here I thought you were just being polite.”
“Oh, right, right.” I nodded as if she’d made a valid point. “Because I’ve always been so good at covering up how I feel about things. Come on, Nan. I’m such a bad liar, planning a surprise party cost me the one man I thought I could spend the rest of my life with.”
The statement was out before I knew how it would end. It hung in the air with the ring of truth and I let out a sad sigh.
Before Nan and Delores could break out the pity party, I hurried on. “Now, though, I’m going to spend the rest of my life like you two. Single. Strong. Independent. Maybe I’ll date someone casually, the way you date Carl. Or maybe I’ll find I’m just better on my own. Either way, I’ll be happy for the rest of my days.”
Delores exchanged a look with Nan, then helped herself to a cookie. She crumbled off a bite and popped it into her mouth, chewing thoughtfully, then swallowing with a grimace. “Did you know I’m not single by choice? Not really.”
This was news to me. I’d always seen Nan’s eccentric neighbor as the epitome of female independence with a dash of overactive libido for good measure. I grabbed a cookie and settled in for the story.