sure she was okay. I had no idea what the proposition was she was talking about and I wondered if she’d gotten herself into an even bigger mess than me.
But I kept the phone off because I knew that if I turned it on and saw any messages from Connor or Lucas, it’d upset me. That it’d probably make me cry and I needed to get my emotions under control. I was far too emotionally invested in both of these relationships and I needed to figure out what I wanted to do. So fifty-two hours later, I finally felt good enough to turn on my phone. And of course, a barrage of texts and messages came through. My mom texted, my dad texted to call my mom, my mom texted to call my dad, and my dad texted again to call my mom and my grandma, my grandma texted to see how I was doing.
And then of course there was Lucas. Lucas texted to make sure I was still alive. And then he texted to say he missed me, and that was it. Connor though, Connor hadn’t texted at all. I could feel the pain in my stomach, “Was he too busy on dates with other women? Was that why he hadn’t texted me?” Sarah hadn’t texted either, which I thought was unusual, “What was going on with her?”
I knew she was okay because she texted me back that night. But obviously something very different was going on in her life. I looked at the phone when I turned it back on and then I threw it onto the bed. I was dissatisfied. I was angrier now than I had been when I switched off the phone in the first place, “Why the fuck hadn’t Connor texted me?”
I stared at his last message again and sent him a message.
Gemma: So, how are your dates?
I knew I sounded surly, I knew I sounded passive-aggressive, but I didn’t care. He didn’t respond right away and that made me even angrier. I walked into the kitchen to look for something to eat, I needed ice cream or chocolate, preferably both. I opened the freezer door and I saw that I had chocolate brownie ice cream, that would do. I had no wine left and that pissed me off even more. I was too tired to go down to the bodega to get a bottle. And I didn’t have the app where you could order wine online.
I knew it didn’t take much to download it, but I just couldn’t even be bothered to download it. I was that annoyed. And then I heard my phone beep and I hurried to the bedroom and grabbed it. Connor had responded.
Connor: What dates?
“What dates, you idiot?” I growled at the phone. “What dates do you fucking think?” I took a deep breath and responded.
Gemma: The girls and email you were talking about.
Connor: Oh. Laugh emoji. You didn’t think I was seriously considering that, did you?
I stared at his text in shock.
Gemma: What?
Connor: I was just joking with you. I’m not going on any dates with any other girls. Do you think I’m that much of a pig to send that to you after the evening we just spent together?
I didn’t know what to say to that. “Fuck. I should have dumped Lucas after all.” But now, now it was too late. I couldn’t text him the day before New Year’s Eve and cancel. That would just be awful. And I didn’t want to be that person. And it wasn’t as if anything with Connor had actually changed.
Gemma: Oh, I didn’t know if you were joking or not. Seems like an odd joke to send.
Connor: Are you jealous?
Gemma: No, of course not. Why would I be jealous? You can do whatever you want.
Connor: Good. I hate jealousy in women. It’s such an unbecoming trait.
“Well, such an unbecoming trait, huh?” I made a face as I stared at the phone and whispered to myself, “Sometimes Connor could be obnoxious.” I sat down on the bed and leaned back. I didn’t know what to think. I just spent the last two days commiserating about what an asshole he was and now he was saying he was joking. “But this is why you can’t be with someone like him, Gemma,” I lectured myself. “Because this is all you’re going to go through, the ups and the downs. And there’s never going to be a satisfying ending to a relationship with him.