Iron Crowned Page 0,58

in control. No harm's done."

"No harm?" I exclaimed. "Kiyo, I almost killed you! Do you understand? Do you understand what I almost did? I lost control! How am I supposed to forgive myself for that?"

He drew me into his arms. "I forgive you for that, and that's all you need to worry about. Don't beat yourself up with the guilt."

I clenched my fists. "The craziest part is that the fake-lich whatever guy thought what I did was a good thing. Me shoving my friends aside for power. That's what the crown represents. That's what I'll become."

"I won't let you," said Kiyo fiercely.

"It's in my blood," I said weakly. "I realize that now."

"Maybe. I don't know. I used to think ... well, I used to think it was all just some easy decision you could make. 'Do this, don't do this.' That was stupid of me. It's more than that, this conflict in you. And I didn't help - not in the way you needed. I will now - if you'll let me."

I peered up at him in confusion. "Why? After everything I've done?"

"Because I - " Kiyo cut himself off. I could hardly see him now, but the feel of his hands was warm on my skin. "Because it doesn't matter. Because I screwed up. Because we never should have split up. I've been wanting to tell you something for a while. We should have - "

I broke away and stalked off across the glade. I couldn't hear this. I couldn't hear some proclamation of love, not when my heart was still broken over Dorian's betrayal. I'd trusted him. I'd trusted him, despite all the evidence that he would go to great extremes for power. I'd thought love for me would be stronger than that ambition. I'd been wrong. Even if he loved me, his heart would always be split between me and his craving for power. It was his nature, just as my own nature was divided between human and gentry ways.

"I need to sleep, Kiyo," I said roughly. "I can't hear this right now."

"But Eugenie - "

"Good night." I turned my back to him - I knew he could see in the darkness - and curled up on the grass. It was hardly a comfortable bed, but compared to last night's discomfort, this felt like heaven.

Kiyo said no more, and I eventually heard him settle down. Volusian had been put on watch, meaning neither Kiyo nor I had to stay awake. In my case, it didn't matter. Sleep wouldn't come no matter how much I willed it to. I stayed up most of the night, staring up at the clear sky and its glitter of stars. The Otherworld had the same constellations as the human world, which surely presented some sort of physics quandary, one I didn't have time to think much about right now.

Dorian knew.

That crown. That fucking crown. Part of me wanted to go over to my bag, grab the crown, and throw it off into night, never to be seen again. What had the old man said? It'd return to its home? No harm done. No harm except the loss of my potential to steal Katrice's land from her - hers and anyone else's who opposed me.

Was that what Dorian had wanted? Would he have tried to convince me that it was the only way to win the war? And would I have believed it? Maybe. I'd been willing to risk a lot for peace by coming after the crown at all. Maybe that had just been the "gateway drug" in Dorian's eventual plan for conquest.

In the end, it didn't matter what his plan was. What mattered was that he'd betrayed me. I'd opened myself to him, loved him. That was over now.

It was that thought, that thought and the anger burning within me, that got me up and around early when dawn broke. Kiyo - who apparently had slept - instantly woke when he heard me stirring.

"Let me guess," he said. "You didn't sleep."

"Nope."

I took out some of the travel food from my bag, cringing when my fingers brushed against the crown. Kiyo stood up and stretched, then wandered off into the foliage. He returned several minutes later with some mangos in his arms.

"Supplement your breakfast," he said, tossing me one. He leaned against a tree and bit into one of his own.

I nodded my thanks, but the fruit's sweetness was lost on me. Nothing had any taste. I was distantly aware of Kiyo's