water, which wasn’t that big a deal and happened occasionally because of his muscle spasms, but the timing was unfortunate.
The conversation was derailed as my mother cleaned up the table and dabbed at Asher’s pants, and I didn’t feel right bringing it up again at the table. But his defeated expression wrenched my heart.
When we got home, Asher said he was tired and went to his room. I followed him a minute later, knocking on his closed door. “Ash?”
He opened it.
“Can I come in?”
He shrugged and went to sit on his bed.
“Sorry that didn’t go as planned.” I leaned back against his computer desk.
He spoke without the use of his device. “It’s okay. I haven’t had luck either.”
I frowned. “No, it’s not okay. And I’m going to try again.”
“She’ll say no.” The words were tough to decipher, but I understood.
“She can’t say no, Asher. You’re a grown man.”
He pulled his SGD onto his lap. “She’ll say I can’t handle it. And she could be right.”
“But she doesn’t get to just decide that for you,” I said angrily. “You get to choose what you want to do with your life. I’m going to talk to her again.” Getting off the desk, I went to the door and opened it.
“Noah.”
I turned to look at him over my shoulder. “Yeah, bud?”
“Have you talked to Meg?”
“No,” I said.
“You should say you’re sorry.”
I shook my head. “That won’t fix it.”
“What will fix it?”
“I don’t know,” I said.
“I think you do.”
I stared at him, and he stared back for a full ten seconds, almost like he expected me to argue, but then he plugged his device into the charger.
I walked out, pulling the door shut behind me.
I found my mother making tea in the kitchen. “Is he ready to get undressed?” she asked, stirring in a teaspoon of honey.
“Yes, but let him do it himself. He is capable.”
“I know, but it takes extra effort, and he’s already exhausted.” She went to move past me but I blocked the entrance to the hall. “Noah, let me by.” She tried to push me aside, but couldn’t.
“No, not until we have a serious conversation about what you’re doing.”
She stuck her hands on her hips. “What am I doing?”
“You’re sabotaging Asher’s efforts to be more independent.”
“What? I am not!”
“Come on. He’ll hear us.” I went through the kitchen into the front room, half-expecting her to dart back to Asher’s room once I was out of her way, but she followed me.
“What’s all this about?” she demanded.
“This is about you using Asher as an excuse not to move on with your life,” I told her.
“Don’t be ridiculous,” she huffed.
“It’s true, Ma. I love you, and I know how hard this is, but you can’t keep Asher here because you need him to need you. It’s not fair.”
Her face burned with anger. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Yes, you do. Dad wanted Asher to live on his own, Ma. I remember the conversation. He wanted Asher to have some independence so you could too.”
“Your father had unrealistic expectations,” she snapped. “And it doesn’t matter anyway, because now he’s gone. I’ve got no need for independence.”
“Yes, you do, but even if you put that aside, think of Asher’s needs. Put him first.”
She reacted as if I’d slapped her. “I have always put the needs of my children first. It’s how I love them, by taking care of them!”
“If you love him, honor his wish, Ma.” I took a breath, reminding myself to stay calm for Asher. “He wants to leave.”
“Are you putting that in his head?” She crossed her arms. “He never wanted to leave before.”
“No, this was all his idea. He came to me. Getting a job and being good at what he does has boosted his confidence. You should be happy about this.”
“But what if something happens?” she cried. “What if he falls or has a seizure or needs help or—or what if people out in the world are just mean to him because they don’t understand?”
Moving forward, I took her gently by the shoulders. “He’s not a child anymore, Ma. And he doesn’t want to be treated like one! And who knows? Maybe he’ll hate being on his own and want to move right back home, but the point is—you have to let him make that choice.” I let go of her. “If you ask me, you could take a page from his book.”
Her arms came undone, and her chest puffed out. “And what’s that mean?”