I was still trying to wrap my brain around this. “So have you asked Mom about moving out?”
“I have asked her a couple times. I have been thinking about it for a while, but after Dad died, I didn’t want to leave her alone. And she gets upset when I bring it up. Or when I tell her that I don’t need help with every little thing. That is why I have not mentioned it to you. I don’t like to upset her.”
My internal temperature was shooting up. I understood that she was lonely after my dad died, but she couldn’t expect Asher to fill that void. If he wanted more independence, he should have it. “God, Ash. I’m sorry. I wish I had known. I just assumed you liked living at home.”
“It’s not that bad. But I am thirty-three. I am ready to try living on my own, even if she is not ready to let me,” he went on.
“Do you have somewhere in mind?”
“I have done some research online, and there are a few places where I could live independently but get support when I need it, which is not as often as Mom thinks.”
I nodded.
“I have never even been on a date. I have never been alone with a girl I like, and I want to know what it’s like. Can you help me?”
“Yes,” I said, proud of him for facing his fears and moved that he was asking for my help. “I can. I have that race tomorrow, but afterward I promise to talk to her.”
“Thank you. I wish I could run in that race with you.”
“Maybe you could walk it. I’d walk with you.”
“I could walk a little way, but I would not be able to finish. And I don’t have the right kind of power chair for a race.”
My throat closed up as I stopped at a light and watched a man cross the street pushing a jogging stroller, his wife next to him, their dog walking ahead.
Then I had an idea.
“Wait a minute. I think I know how you can do the race with me.”
“Really?”
“Yes. Let me do some checking.”
I dropped him off, went home, and made phone calls while taking Renzo for an evening walk. It took me a couple hours, but I finally located what I was looking for—an all-terrain, three-wheeled chair in which I could push Asher during the 5K. It would only be on loan from a local medical supply company, but they were happy to lend it for the cause. I’d pick it up at nine A.M, an hour before the race started. Then I contacted the person in charge of the event, making sure it was okay to enter Asher at the last minute. Not only did she say it was fine, she loved the idea of a more inclusive event and promised to work on promoting it that way in the future.
I texted Asher as soon as it was arranged.
Me: You are entered in the race. Do some stretches tonight!
Asher: Are you serious? But I can’t run.
Me: Yes. Don’t worry about anything. I’ve got you.
When I went to bed that night, I was the closest thing to happy I’d been in weeks.
But all I wanted to do was share it with Meg, and I couldn’t.
The next day, Asher, Renzo and I took part in the race, with my mom, Nina’s family, and tons of people in the community cheering us on from the sidelines. I even saw a couple of Meg’s sisters in the crowd, and they waved at us enthusiastically. I waved back, but inside, my heart was breaking all over again. I wished more than anything she could have been there running beside us. Her absence felt all wrong.
Later, I took my mom and Asher out for Italian. Watching my mom cut my brother’s spaghetti, I said, “Ma, you don’t need to do that for him. He can do it.”
“I don’t mind,” she said, and went right on doing it.
Asher said nothing, but he looked at me, and I understood.
“Ma, Ash and I have been talking a little.”
“Oh?” She picked up her wine and sipped.
“Yeah.” I cleared my throat. “What do you think about looking around for an apartment for him?”
“Don’t be silly. He’s got a place to live.”
“That’s your place.”
“I’m not going anywhere. And I like having him there. Besides, he needs me.”