hot bath thinking about him.
The other part of her wanted to call him, hear his voice, try to imagine his warm hand enveloping hers. But, he would be able to hear the emotion in her voice. Would she start crying? Would her voice go up several octaves when he asked her if she missed him and she tried to deny it?
She flipped her phone over in her lap and stared out over the water. As much as she loved the beach, she had grown attached to the marsh also. The tall grass was constantly swaying and moving and bending to the wind. It gave her a sense of peace. She loved when the sun would set, painting purple and orange across the sky, the reflection in the water giving a haunting feeling as day turned to night.
Gone were the fears that a random alligator was going to crawl out of the depths, although she did see the occasional snake. Now, she enjoyed the sounds and smells and sites of the marshland just as much as the ones she loved about the ocean. The whole place was magical to her, unlike anywhere she’d been in the world. It was home.
She felt it so deep in her soul that it was impossible to imagine living anywhere else at this point. And that was why William could never be her boyfriend or husband because he wasn't there. He didn't feel that connection, apparently.
She closed her eyes and took in a long deep breath, slowly blowing it out as she listened to the birds making their last squeaks and squawks of the day. The sound of crickets and frogs and every other living organism that inhabited the marsh helped to ease her mind and calm her soul, but she still felt restless. Sad. There was a sense of longing that she wasn't sure she could assuage.
Just as she was about to stand up and walk into the house to make herself an evening cup of coffee, her phone started to ring. The sound startled her at first as she wasn't used to getting phone calls. She was much more of a text type of person.
When she looked down and saw William’s smiling face on her phone, she almost dropped it onto the grass. For what seemed like an eternity, she sat there debating whether to answer it. In the end, she was worried something may have happened, that he needed her in some way.
"Hello?"
There was a long pause on the other end of the line before he spoke. "Janine? It's William."
"I know. I still have you in my phone," she said, laughing softly. It felt good to hear his voice, like a warm blanket wrapping around her.
"I wasn’t sure if I should call you or not. I just wanted to hear your voice."
She had one arm around herself as she held the speaker phone up to her mouth. "It's nice to hear your voice too."
"How is everyone?"
"Good. Except my mom is the one who owns that bakery that was opening."
She heard him laugh. "Oh, that doesn't sound good."
"Yeah, it's not good."
"Well, there's always the option to move to Texas," he said. She knew he probably meant that as a joke, but it wasn’t funny to her. He wasn't going to be leaving Texas anytime soon, especially if he was still trying to get her to move there.
"So, how's the new job?"
"Good. Our numbers are really looking good, and my boss, Tina, is very nice."
"Tina? I thought you were going to be running things yourself?"
“I’m the manager, but she's one of the vice presidents of the company, so she is going to keep her office in this building and oversee the larger operations."
"That's great," Janine said, getting a sinking feeling in her stomach. It wasn't that she was jealous. William wasn't her boyfriend anymore, after all. But, even the sound of him speaking some other woman's name made her feel sad.
"I'm glad that you're doing okay, Janine." It felt like he was calling her to try and make himself feel less guilty about leaving.
"Ditto."
She couldn't say anything else, for fear that her voice would break, and she would cry. In that moment, she wished that she could reach right through the phone and pull William back into her world, but that wasn't possible. If he didn't want to be there, she would just have to figure out a way to move on.
"I guess I better go. I’m meeting a couple of work friends to watch