things. That sickening feeling in my stomach increased, and there was no stopping the avalanche of thoughts that soon followed.
I'd let myself spin out of control last night, carried away by desire. I shouldn't have done any of that - and not just because Adrian was a Moroi (though that was certainly problematic too). My life was about reason and logic, and I'd thrown all of that out the window. They were my strengths, and in casting them aside, I'd become weak. I'd been high on the freedom and risks I'd experienced last night, not to mention intoxicated by Adrian and how he'd said I was beautiful and brave and "ridiculously smart." I'd melted when he'd looked at me in that absurd dress. Knowing he'd wanted me had muddled my thoughts, making me want him too. . . .
There was no part of this that was okay.
With great effort, I dragged myself from the bed and managed to pick out some clothes for the day. I staggered to the shower like a zombie and stayed in for so long that I missed breakfast. It didn't matter. I couldn't have eaten anything anyway not with all the emotions that were churning inside me. I barely spoke to anyone as I walked through the halls, and it wasn't until I sat down in Ms. Terwilliger's class that I finally remembered there were other people in the world with their own problems.
Specifically, Eddie and Trey.
I was certain there was no way they could be as traumatized as Jill and I were by last night's events. But it was obvious both guys had had a rough morning. Neither one spoke or made eye contact with others. I think it was the first time I'd ever seen Eddie neglect his surroundings. The bell cut me off before I had a chance to say anything, and I spent the rest of class watching them with concern. They didn't look like they were going to engage in any testosterone-driven madness, so that was a good sign. I felt bad for both of them - especially Eddie, who'd been wronged the most - and worrying on their behalf helped distract me from my own woes. A little.
When class ended, I wanted to talk to Eddie first, but Ms. Terwilliger intercepted me. She handed me a large yellow envelope that felt like it had a book inside. There was no end to the spells I had to learn. "Some of the things we discussed," she told me. "Tend to them as soon as you get the chance."
"I will, ma'am." I slipped the envelope into my bag and glanced around for Eddie. He was gone.
Trey was in my next class, and I took my usual seat beside him. He gave me a sidelong look and then turned away.
"So," I said.
He shook his head. "Don't start."
"I'm not starting anything."
He stayed silent a few moments and then turned back to me, a frantic look in his eyes. "I didn't know, I swear. About her and Eddie. She never mentioned it, and obviously, they don't talk about it around here. I never would've done that to him. You have to believe that."
I did. No matter what Trey's other faults were, he was good-hearted and honest. If anyone was at fault for bad behavior here, it was Angeline.
"I'm actually more surprised that you'd get involved with someone like her, period." I didn't need to elaborate that "someone like her" referred to her being a dhampir.
Trey put his head on his desk. "I know, I know. It all just happened so fast. One day she's throwing a book at me. The next, we're making out behind the library."
"Ugh. That's a little more information than I needed." Glancing up, I saw that our chemistry teacher was still getting organized, giving Trey and me a little more time. "What are you going to do now?"
"What do you think? I have to end it. I shouldn't have let it get this far."
The Sydney from three months ago would have said of course he needed to end it. This one said, "Do you like her?"
"Yes, I - " He paused and then lowered his voice. "I think I love her. Is that nuts? After only a few weeks?"
"No - I don't know. I'm not really good at understanding that stuff." And by not really good, I actually meant terrible. "But if you feel like that . . . maybe . . . maybe you shouldn't throw it away."
Trey's eyes