I Have Lived and I Have Loved - Willow Winters Page 0,201

some air because I was assaulted by fucking photographers,” I complain and sink into the chair.

“Do you want me to come kick some asses? I’ll handle the paparazzi, and then I’ll fuck Eli up for being a douche. I figure you’re done with him so you won’t be upset.”

“I know what you’re doing,” I grumble.

“Either you’re going to do it or I need to come and end it for you.”

She’s insane to think I’d let her handle this. “Stop being an asshole.”

She lets out a cough that sounds more like a laugh. “You should talk. You’re on the phone with me instead of in there fighting for him. Guys like Eli don’t come around often, and if you’re dumb enough to let him go, then you’re not the fierce woman I’ve admired.”

“I feel betrayed,” I admit. “Him keeping this from me is a big deal, and then to be so cruel by bringing up Steph.”

“You should feel that way and be sure to let him know that. But remember what happened to you not even two minutes ago, babe. Eli deals with that day in and day out, he has to protect himself, too. More than anything, you have to decide right now if you’re willing to end things. If the answer is no, then get your tiny ass back in there and fix it.”

She’s right. I need to let him know exactly how I feel. I knew when I walked out of that room, I’d walk back in. He isn’t the man I’m willing to watch leave my life. When Matt left, there was sadness but also relief. The idea of not having Eli causes my heart to drop.

I sigh and get to my feet. “I need to go.”

I’m a strong woman who knows exactly what I want, and it’s him. I’m going to tell him exactly how this is going to work. He doesn’t get to decide this alone, it’s as much my choice as it’s his.

“I knew you’d do this,” Nicole says with pride. “God help him, because my friend is a badass who doesn’t take shit from anyone. Love you, call me if you need me.”

“I will. Love you, too.”

He isn’t going to know what hit him. My life has always been a series of misfortunes, but I’ve never allowed it to define me. I may feel like I don’t have a say in how things go, but I can decide how to deal with them. I’m a fighter, and I won’t let anything stand in my way of the prize.

After a few deep breaths and an idea of what to say, I stand straight, crack my neck, and march to his room.

The door opens, and our eyes connect. Eli shifts slightly, and I clench my fists.

“You talked before, now you’re going to listen,” I demand. I’m determined for him to hear me. I move to the side of his bed and touch my finger to his chest. Our eyes stay on each other’s, and I refuse to break away. “First, you will never use my sister against me. It was a dick move to do after everything I’ve been through the last few weeks. I will never allow you to hurt me like that again.”

“I didn’t—”

“No.” I push my finger harder, silencing him. “You don’t get to talk this time, got it?” I ask.

Eli nods and puts his hands up.

“Good.” I ease back a little, still standing, needing the height to make me feel stronger. As much as I try to convince myself I’m going to just say what I need to, the truth is that I’m terrified this could end very different from how I hope it will.

Eli may decide that he doesn’t want to be with me, and there’s nothing I can do if that’s his choice. However, I’m not going to allow myself to focus on that. I’m steeling myself for the outcome I desire, which is us moving forward—together.

My eyes close, and once I have my composure back, I continue on, “This situation is nothing like it was with Stephanie. I know you’re not her, but it seems you don’t get that. She was my sister, but she became my entire life when my parents died.”

“I can’t have you look at me like that again, Heather.” He interrupts, and my eyes open.

The pain on his face causes me to let him have his say. I’m lost. I have no idea what he’s talking about. During that entire thing, I wanted to