through Jenny, this time too strong to be ignored. That felt-she knew she mustn't feel that way. Her hands went up to his arms, to push at him.
"Zach," she whispered. "I think we're both-a little upset. We're not ourselves."
"I know," Zach said, as if it hurt him. "I'm sorry-I ..." He straightened, loosening his grip a little, but then he kissed her hair. She felt his lips moving, felt his warm breath there.
"Zachary," she said. "It's wrong. We're cousins." The problem was that although her words were strong, her voice wasn't. She could barely breathe. And she didn't move away.
"Half cousins," he said. It was true, although Jenny seldom thought of it-her mother and his were only half sisters. "And besides, I can't help it. 1 can't help it." His kisses were coming faster.
His urgency caught Jenny in a rush of elemental feeling. She kept thinking, but there's something else-without remembering what the something was. Then she whispered, "But, Tom..."-and shock swept over her.
She hadn't thought about Tom since-since -
She couldn't remember when.
Zach was saying that he couldn't help Tom, either.
"He doesn't deserve you." The words came on a warm wave of breath in her ear. "He doesn't love you enough. I was always afraid to say it, but you know it's true."
Despite his slimness Zach's muscles were hard against her. Jenny tried to protest, but the words caught in her throat.
"And now I know you don't love him enough, either. You weren't meant to be with him." Zach's voice was soft and reasonable, his words running together in a velvet sound.
Then he was looking down at her. A clear light seemed to shine through his intense face. His winter-gray eyes looked almost pale blue.
"You can't fight something like this, Jenny," he whispered. "You know you can't."
Jenny shut her eyes and turned her face up.
He kissed her and her senses reeled.
They seemed to melt together. Jenny felt herself sinking beneath his embrace. So soft... kissing had never been so soft before. She couldn't think anymore. She was flying. She was deep underwater.
Pure sensation overwhelmed her. She was kissing him back as she had never kissed Tom. His hair was loose under her fingers; it must have come out of the ponytail. She wanted to feel all of it. It was so much softer than she'd realized. She'd always thought of Zach as having rather coarse hair, but this was so soft... like silk or cat's fur under her fingertips....
She heard the wild, whimpering sound she made, and she knew, she knew, even as she was pulling back. Even as she was jerking away, she knew.
Julian's eyes were like liquid sapphires under sooty lashes. Heavy-lidded and dark with passion. He was wearing a plaid flannel shirt like Zach's shirt, stone-washed denims like Zach's denims, and running shoes like Zach's shoes. But he had a languid, careless grace Zach would never have. His hair looked bright as sand in moonlight.
Jenny was scrubbing her mouth with the back of her hand. A purely reflexive and senseless gesture. She was too shocked to be angry.
Did I know? Did I know underneath before he kissed me or while he was kissing me but before I pulled away did I know could I possibly have known ... ?
She still couldn't make out what reality was.
"How could you know... ?" she whispered. "You acted like Zach-you knew things only he would know-"
"I've watched him," Julian said. "I've watched you. I'm the Shadow Man, Jenny-and I love you." His voice was soft, mesmerizing, and something inside Jenny began to melt at the very sound.
Then she thought of Summer.
Anger, hot and bright, surged through her and gave her strength. She looked into Julian's liquid-blue eyes. Any softness she'd ever had toward him had disappeared. She hated him now. Without a word she turned and walked out of the darkroom.
He followed her, flicking the garage lights on. He knew, of course, what she was thinking about.
"She agreed," he said. "Just like all the rest of you, she agreed to play the Game."
"She didn't know it was real!"
He quoted from the instructions. " 'I acknowledge that the Game is real.
"You can talk all you want, Julian-but you killed her."
"I didn't do anything to her. Her own fear did that. She couldn't face her nightmare."
Jenny knew there was no point in arguing with him, but she couldn't help it. In a low, savage voice she said, "It wasn't fair."
He shook his head, looking almost amused. "Life isn't fair, Jenny. Haven't you