Njaza as if it’s a dictatorship and not a kingdom,” he said.
Shanti felt all the ground she’d gained in helping her husband and her kingdom begin to crumble beneath her feet. “What is the difference to the everyday citizen? Do you even care whether there’s a difference?”
He took a step closer to her. “Do you think I want things to be this way? I’ve traveled. I’ve read. I’ve run from this place myself—I know things aren’t right and what we’ve worked on the last few weeks shows that I want to change things. But my father tried his hardest. Musoke tried. They brought this kingdom together single-handedly and it’s up to me to preserve that. I can make change for the better, but I can’t dismiss everything they’ve done.”
“Your citizens are trying, too,” Shanti said. “And you’re so worried about your father’s legacy that you can’t see that he and Musoke are the ones who tarnished it. The legacy you’re trying to protect doesn’t exist.”
“Enough,” he shouted. “You don’t understand. You’re a pampered woman from Thesolo. You have two parents who love you and support you—who probably hung your good grades on the fridge and had a shelf for your trophies. My father knew I wasn’t as good as him and loved me anyway, despite my deficiencies. He asked for one thing from me, to be strong enough to keep Njaza safe, and I can’t do it. He’s dead. Njaza is his legacy and I can’t—”
Sanyu’s rough words stopped abruptly, and his eyes went wet with unshed tears that she knew he wouldn’t let fall. She had only met his father once, a weak old man looking on during their bedside marriage. She’d been generally sad when he’d passed away, but she hadn’t truly understood Sanyu’s grief—she who had thought she could teach him what it was to be in a partnership.
She hadn’t even offered him comfort in all their nights together.
“Husband.” She cupped his face. “I’m sorry that you’re hurting. You are his legacy. You. Whatever you do will honor his love for you.”
His eyes were bloodshot and shiny; he darted his gaze to the wall above her head as she stroked his beard.
“You are not deficient,” she said.
He pressed his lips together for a moment, and when he looked back down at her, his grief had been tucked away, but not his pain.
“If I’m not, why is my wife sneaking out to assist people who think I am?”
Shanti had never heard his voice like this—quiet. Broken. And he was right. She’d been so sure of her quest to help others, to do so even if the palace wouldn’t allow it, that she’d never examined what her actions represented. In the past few weeks, Sanyu had talked to her, respected her, and his actions had shown that he wanted to make her happy. She’d snuck out to hang with people who increasingly saw him as the enemy, and in trying to make her personal goal happen no matter what, had shown her lack of confidence in him. Sure, she hadn’t meant to harm him, but he hadn’t meant to harm her either and she’d still felt the sting of being ignored.
She remembered now, the one fight she’d ever been privy to between her parents. A neighbor had made a snide remark about “Queen Shanti and her little dream,” and when her mother had confronted the neighbor, her father had tried to mediate by making a placating joke. Afterward, she’d heard her mother whisper angrily at her father.
“We are a team. Tell me if I’m wrong, but don’t tell someone else before you tell me. You made me look like a fool that you have to tolerate instead of the person you’re working side by side with.”
“I—I was wrong,” Shanti said, her voice shaky. “I thought I was thinking outside the box, working with what I had, because I’m a rat.”
Sanyu raised a brow.
“That’s my nickname. If I see something I want, I go after it relentlessly. I’ll find my way through the most difficult maze. I’ll chew through concrete. I’ll find a tunnel out of the palace and people who I think need my help, without realizing how that might make you feel. Relentless Rat.” She exhaled sharply, shaking her head. “I’ve made you feel foolish and betrayed your trust. I’m sorry, Sanyu. I shouldn’t judge your father and Musoke so harshly either. I thought I was doing the right thing, like they did, but I hurt you, too.”
Sanyu