the True Queen. I know only one True Queen of Njaza,” he said. “And I hurt her with my foolishness.”
She dropped her gaze back to the bowl of green bananas before her. The ladle came into her vision, pouring the thick stew over the steaming vegetable. Shanti was unfamiliar with fear, but it gripped her now. She was afraid to believe him. She shouldn’t care whether he lied if those lies meant she’d get her crown, but that wasn’t the only reason she wanted to stay in Njaza anymore. It was to be with him, the husband she had accidentally and quite unnecessarily fallen in love with.
“I made a mistake when I came to your room that first night,” he continued.
“And I made a mistake letting you in,” she countered.
His hand was suddenly a brand on her back, the heat of it warming the stiffness of her spine. She stopped moving but didn’t look up at him.
“No. You were kind enough to let me in because you saw what I didn’t—that my people needed a king, but they were stuck with a man pretending he didn’t know how to be one because that was easier than doing what needed to be done. I asked you to teach me to be a good king, when even if I wasn’t sure of what to do, I already knew that I wasn’t doing enough.”
“So you’ve been hit by Amageez’s staff and don’t need me anymore?” she asked, unable to stop the terse responses even though she didn’t want to be angry anymore. Unlike Sanyu, she couldn’t shut down when inconvenient emotions arose.
“I need you,” he said. “But I shouldn’t have had to lose you to learn that. I shouldn’t have treated you like just a teammate who would understand a political decision. You’re more than that, and your pain shouldn’t be footnotes on my journey to being a better king.”
“My pain?” she tried to scoff. “You think highly of yourself. I didn’t even want—this whole thing is—”
His hand slid up to grip the back of her neck, and she turned to look up into his face. He was gazing at her with such tenderness that her breath caught, but instead of feeling better she felt worse. Could she trust him again, now that she knew how badly he could hurt her?
“You want to be queen because that’s your lifelong goal. I want you to stay by my side and achieve that goal, because you were made for the title.” His dark eyes were blazing as they had the first night they’d met, but not with anger. “You need to understand that I don’t only want you here as a brilliant politician or a strident planner who will benefit Njaza, though I’d like you to be my partner in all aspects of life. I’m a selfish man, though, Shanti. I want you to stay for me.”
Shanti pressed her lips together against the conflicting happiness and anger churning in her and gathered her thoughts before speaking.
“I am still furious with you,” she finally admitted. “If you’d conceded at the meeting because you truly thought it was for the well-being of the kingdom, I’d understand. But you did it because it was easier, and because you wanted to smooth things over with Musoke instead of fully confronting him. I still wonder if this is just you saying what you think I want to hear because that behavior is so ingrained in you. I’m not going to make this easy—I can’t. In your effort to keep everyone happy, you disappointed me, and I won’t accept that kind of betrayal again and again. Not for a crown. Not even for you.”
He blinked rapidly a few times and his gaze strayed from hers, but then returned.
“I see,” he said. “I understand. Or maybe I don’t because I felt ripped in half when I realized you’d left, but you must have felt a thousand times worse to have left in the first place.”
She exhaled deeply, fighting the urge to tell him everything would be okay—after all, she was upset with him for doing that with Musoke. She wouldn’t have the status quo in her kingdom or her marriage just because it was easier.
“I don’t want to feel this angry, but I do and I’m not going to rush through it just because it feels bad,” she said. “I appreciate that you’ve apologized but I need more time to be pissed off.”
“Okay,” he said and moved away from her. He didn’t