run away from it now; you’re back here. Whatever is going on, you have to face it, but I’m here. You’re never going to be alone.”
I stare at her like I’ve seen a ghost. I can’t get the words out. My throat feels dry.
“It’s Rodney, isn’t it? He’s the reason why you quit your job and went to Europe. And now you’re back, and you’d hoped you would have forgotten him. Moved on. But that isn’t the case.”
It’s like she’s managed to take the words right out of my mouth. I lick my lips and nod; my eyes are still wide open.
Gigi places a hand on my knee, then hauls herself up to join me on the couch.
“I have never apologized for what happened, Ella. It is all my fault. I am the one who introduced you guys. You wouldn’t be going through this if it wasn’t for me.”
“It isn’t your fault, Gigi,” I murmur.
“I mean, if I knew he was that kind of guy….who would expect his girlfriend to be comfortable in an open relationship…Ella, you know I never would have introduced you to him.”
“Gigi! Listen to me. It is not your fault. Do you get it?”
“But I’m taking responsibility for it. I always knew there was something off about Rodney. I should have warned you when you guys first got together.”
“It was my fault. My fault alone…” I am trying to convince her, but it’s like she’s not even listening to me.
“How could he even think of suggesting a thing like that? An open relationship. Wow! You shouldn’t blame yourself, hon. How could you have known he would want that?”
“He wanted it because I didn’t want to give up my virginity to him,” I admit finally, my voice sizzling. I haven’t said this before. Gigi has no idea that Rodney and I never did…it.
She’s staring at me in surprise now, and I have to look away.
“What?”
“I didn’t sleep with him.”
“In those six months that you guys were together?”
“I told him I wanted to wait for the right moment and I guess the right moment just didn’t come.”
Gigi scratches the tip of her nose. I know she’s trying to arrange her thoughts. There isn’t much to say.
“I know he said and suggested the things he did because he knew we weren’t going to have sex. Not for a long time. He said he wasn’t going to force me to have sex with him and that he loved me, but he needed an outlet. He needed to vent.”
“So he wanted to do it with someone else and expected you to be okay with it?” Gigi hisses.
I hang my head. For some reason, I’m feeling ashamed. She comes closer to me, forcing me to look up at her. There’s a fierceness in her gaze.
“This is not your fault. None of it. He was trying to emotionally manipulate you, and you walked away. You did the right thing, Ella. Always remember that,” she said.
I’m in the shower now. In Gigi’s gorgeous black-marble bathroom. She told me to take as much time as I needed, and I do feel like I will need a lot of time.
I’ve been standing under the steady stream of hot water, letting my hair and body soak through. Saying those words aloud back there have had some kind of calming effect on me. I haven’t uttered Rodney’s name in six months. I haven’t even allowed my brain to go there and relive those painful memories.
But they’re all flooding back to me now.
That first night I met him when he came over to our apartment. He was there to check in on Gigi. They had gone on a few dates, but things never worked between them. He was just a friend. But then we met, and it was like he decided he was going to have me.
I didn’t think much of him that night but I did notice the way he looked at me. I knew he was already making plans. Before he left the apartment, he handed me his business card. I didn’t plan on calling him. I wasn’t looking for a relationship, and besides, I wasn’t really interested in him.
But Rodney called. He called over and over again, wrote me long text messages after he got my number from Gigi.
I tried to ignore him, but Gigi seemed to think he would be good for me. She had always considered him to be a good person. A nice guy. He was easy on the eyes too.