childhood memories again. Memories I’d managed to keep blocked.
I press my eyes closed. Try to shut them out, but they’re coming back with a vengeance. Ella stirred something in me. Maybe she has reminded me of what it feels like to connect with another human being. Connect in the most genuine way. A feeling that can’t be replicated or replaced or bought with money.
I should have gone after her. Now I’m going to spend the rest of my life regretting it. But at least she gets what she wants.
2
Ella
Gigi and Hudson are at the airport to receive me, and I can’t believe how big he is now.
“Oh my God!” I squeal, dragging my bags behind me. Gigi waves and Hudson is a little wary. It’s only been six months of being away from them, but it’s enough time for him to have forgotten me. “Look at you!”
Hudson clings to his mother for a few minutes while we talk and hug. I can feel his eyes on me, trying to place me. I spent a lot of time with him when he was just born, when Gigi needed all the help she could get as a single mother. For the first eight months of Hudson’s life, I helped raise him.
“He just needs a moment; he’ll remember you soon enough. You’re part of his muscle memory now,” Gigi says, throwing one arm around me as we walk towards her car.
Morgan, her boyfriend and Hudson’s dad, has sent one of his fancy chauffeured cars.
“You guys really didn’t have to do this. I could have just taken a cab back to the apartment.”
“Don’t be silly, Ella. You’ve been traveling for over six months. You must be exhausted and tired. Just come to the house with us. Rest up, and we’ll drop you back to the apartment later. There’s no hurry.”
We get into the car, and Hudson gets strapped into his seat. He’s still eyeing me suspiciously. I’m trying to give him the space he needs to adjust to my presence, but every time I catch his eye, I smile.
Gigi and I settle in together in the car. This is the longest time we have spent apart from each other since we first became friends in middle school.
“Those emails and pictures you sent me were not enough, girl, you have to tell me everything. Every little detail. You just had the experience of a lifetime!” She is excited for me, holding my hands tightly in her lap.
I search her eyes because I will know if there is anything wrong. But there isn’t. She’s happy. She’s finally really happy. She is with a man who treasures and worships her, and who she is head-over-heels in love with. They are now a little family.
I nod. “Yeah, it sure feels like an experience I might never have again. I’m glad I did it. I saw so much and learned so much. I don’t even know how. How I got this far alone.”
“England, Scotland, France, Belgium, Italy, Vatican City! And so many others. I mean, I can’t even imagine living that kind of an adventure!”
“Yeah, well, you have a kid,” I say and she rolls her eyes. “That is an adventure by itself.”
“Now with Morgan around, my life is so much simpler. I can finally enjoy motherhood. You know? I don’t have to worry all the time, I don’t have to make decisions by myself, and I sleep well at night knowing that Hudson is growing up having a relationship with his father. It’s wonderful.”
I give Gigi another hug because I’m so happy to see her.
“So anyway, tell me everything!” she exclaims, pulling away.
“I honestly don’t know where to start.”
“Where did you go first? England, right? London? What happened there?”
The only thought that comes to my head is that night with Reed. It’s the only thing that I think about when I look back at the rest of the trip. Despite all the places I have been to and all the adventures I have had, he still seems like the most significant part of it.
Gigi is staring at me while my thoughts are far away. Just like I’m sure I know her, she’s sure she knows me inside-out.
“You’re thinking about something. What happened in London, Ella? Come on, spill.”
“Nothing. I mean nothing out of the ordinary. I’m just jetlagged, you know?”
Gigi doesn’t look convinced but she sinks back in her seat and shrugs.
“Nothing a good nap and some food in your system can’t solve. After that, you have to