“I know I didn’t win, but maybe you should give me your email anyway. You said you’re leaving London tomorrow.” I speak while still staring at the sky.
I can hear her breathing softly beside me. There’s something in the way she shifts. I know she’s going to turn me down.
“I’m sorry, Reed. I’m having a really wonderful time tonight, but I’m on a kind of journey. I don’t want to form any attachments right now. No new friendships. This trip is supposed to be all about me.”
I straighten up and look into her eyes. I find this unacceptable. The idea that I will never see her again. It’s bullshit.
“How about you take mine? Then you can reach out to me whenever you want to. When you feel comfortable enough to.”
There’s a soft smile on Ella’s face. She blinks hard and then looks down at her hands.
“I don’t think this is going to go anywhere, Reed. I just want to remember tonight as a chance encounter with a sexy stranger.”
I don’t care about the words she’s using to describe me. I care about the fact that she’s rejecting me. Maybe it’s because she’s a lot younger than me. But this crazy sexual chemistry between us—she feels it too, right?
“That is not how I want to remember it. I want to be able to see you again sometime.”
“We don’t always get what we want, Reed.”
“No, and I don’t have a problem with that. Trust me. I’ve been through my fair share of shit. But this,” I say and point my finger at her and then at myself. “This thing between us is in our control. I don’t see the point of playing games.”
“I’m not playing games. I’m saying I don’t want to leave you hanging. I don’t want to lead you on or give you any false hopes.”
I stand up from the bench with a jerk. I want this girl. I want to spend the night with her. Then tomorrow morning, I want to go get brunch. Maybe another slushie after lunch. I want to go with her wherever she’s going next. It sounds crazy, even in my head as I’m having these thoughts, but I don’t care about acting sane tonight.
“So you’re just going to walk away tonight and that’s it?”
Ella stands up slowly. The pink stain on her mouth has already started to fade, and it seems like that’s the perfect indicator that our night together is also coming to an end.
“I wish things were different for me, Reed, but they’re not. I’m in a complicated place in my life.”
“I’m not looking for excuses. You don’t have to explain yourself to me.”
She remains silent, and so do I. We spend the next few seconds just staring at each other. I’m hoping she can see it in my eyes, how much I want her right now. The effect she’s had on me in the span of two hours. I’m never going to forget her.
She’s about to turn away. Really? Without another word?
I lunge at her. My hands are on her shoulders and I spin her around. She falls on my chest with a sigh, and I hook a finger under her chin. When she looks up at me, she looks sad. I want to ask her to stay. I’ll pay for what she needs to stay here. I’ll pay for everything.
But I learned a long time ago that my money can’t buy me what I really want. There are always going to be some pieces to this puzzle missing and I won’t be able to buy them back. No matter how much money I throw at it.
So I lean into her and kiss her again. This time, the kiss is softer. More meaningful. I scoop her up in my arms and she sinks into me. I don’t even know how long I’ve been kissing her for. I hope it lasts forever, but it doesn’t.
Soon enough, Ella is pulling away again.
“Goodbye, Reed.”
I’m watching her leave. I didn’t ask where she was going to go. I just let her walk away this time because I’m not going to beg her to stay. Besides, I know it’s not going to work. She’s already made up her mind.
She disappears into the darkness like a figment of my imagination. I could have followed her out of the park, but I sit back down on the bench instead.
I haven’t thought about them in some time, but my mind is filling with