them over to the sink, cursing myself for letting someone in.
“My Aunt and I had a fight. I just…can’t go back there for a while.” My heart sank as I listened to her words. I knew that she was lying about her reason but there was truth in what she was saying as well. “Thanks Becka, I really appreciate it.” She sat her phone back on the counter while I finished rinsing off our plates. “She said I could stay.” Her words cut through me. I didn’t want her to go but I knew she needed to be as far away from me as possible. I was no good for her, no good for anybody. I shut off the water and turned to face her. I grabbed her purse from the counter and opened the door, waiting for her to follow.
“You can call me if you need anything.” I said as we made our way to my car. I wanted her to call me. I wanted to hear her voice again, but this was starting to feel like goodbye. I opened her door for her and waited for her to slip in. To my surprise, she kissed me gently on the cheek, letting her mouth linger. She should hate me. I was the reason she may be hurt. I couldn’t stop myself. I needed to feel her. I turned my head and captured her mouth with mine. Her body relaxed against mine, fitting perfectly against me. I pulled back, cursing myself as I did.
“We have to go.” She leaned towards me again but stopped herself. Good. She finally understood that I was the cause of all of this. “I will fix this.” I didn’t say all of the other things that I wanted to. That fixing this meant I probably would never see her again. She nodded and lowered herself into the seat. I sighed and closed her door.
We rode quietly to her friend’s house. The GPS gave directions over the low muffed sounds of Kings of Leon on the radio. We pulled over just down the street from her friend’s house. “I’ll come for you as soon as I can.” I said, not sure if she heard my voice waver. She had no idea how hard I would struggle to stay away from her. I smiled weakly at her, trying to reassure her.
“I know” She said quietly as she got out of the car. A lump had formed in my throat and I was unable to say anything else. She stood there, watching me. I fixed my eyes on the road and left, staring at her through the rearview mirror until I couldn’t see her any longer.
I ran my hand through my hair and hit the steering wheel, causing the car to swerve slightly into the other lane. “Fuck!” I had lost control. I was dangerously close to folding like a house of cards perched precariously on the ledge of cliff. Brought down by an innocent. I laughed at the irony of it all. I had messed around with some of the most conniving and manipulating women on the planet but Emma brought me to my knees. What does she get in return? I put her life in danger. I went to the one place I knew could give me comfort. A place that I could torture myself without being judged. A place that I could be tortured by others.
I turned on the next road and sped across town to the rundown and seemingly abandoned strip mall. I stopped first at a gas station along the way and bought a large bottle of bourbon. As I pulled into the parking lot and made my way to the back of the building I had thoughts of her. She would be laughing and having fun with her friend. She would be thinking of me, of us. I opened the bottle and took a long swig. I stared at the back of the building trying to think of anything else, anyone else. I took another long drink. My veins began to warm as the alcohol swam through me. I grabbed my phone and began typing. I wanted her to push me over the ledge already, get it over with.
Do you have any idea what I want to do to you right now?
I sent the text and took another long drink from the bottle. A few seconds later, my phone vibrated.
Who is this? It is so hard to keep my admirers straight.
My eyes