Holt's Holding (Part One) - By A Dagmara Page 0,45

down my face claiming Brady’s shirt.

“It’s ok Lil… I got you.” Brady offered, “Lillian lost her family to a tragic accident. She doesn’t deal well with this sort of thing.” He offered to Sam. I was grateful for not having to explain.

“Lil loves…see I’m ok…honest. Please don’t be upset…I’ll be ok…don’t you know nothing can keep me from our happy hours Lil.”

I released a laugh, threw my tears…She was my best friend or female friend. I knew now, I cared for her and her friendship. More than I had previously thought. She was family to me. My best friend.

“I’m sorry…I apparently hit my head pretty hard last night.” I offered trying to make light of my display.

“Clearly!” Brady laughed along with me.

I spent the next few hours with them until visiting hours had me leaving. Brady got special permission to stay with her. It was so clear to me…Brady was in love with her.

I was happy for him. My two friends. They were perfect for one another.

Walking from the hospital, I decided on walking the four blocks to my apartment.

The cool September night was refreshing. The past forty-eight hours seemed to run through me…Charlie then Sebastian…back and forth between the two…all their words and even those that were unspoken…the ones that were just below the surface. I now saw they both wanted something from me…something, I knew was unattainable…the part that was me. But then again, I knew undoubtedly who they were, and their games. I knew them, because I was just the female version of them. I learned to be just like them. Their words meant nothing. They were just words. Jesus. Where was my life heading? Did I really want this? Suddenly my shoulders felt heavy and life caught up with me.

Fuck, Lucian again flooded my head.

When would I ever be free? His dark espresso hair and those brown eyes haunted my memory. It had only been seven months since he last reminded me of his dominance in my life. The thought of him had my shivering. He was the true fear in my life. I was so damn tired of the fear the followed his wake. I needed to free myself, one way or another. Suddenly, the gears started to turn. Walking home, my control reigned in sharply. I knew what, and how, I need to free myself. Did I have the courage to do it? Could I free myself from all that I worked for?

I suspected that when I was to make it home that Charlie would not be there. Or I hoped.

I rode the elevator up and walked to the front door. Unlocking and pushing the door open the apartments was dark and still.

I shut the door behind me and walked with my bag to my room. Opting to change out of the clothes Sebastian had purchased I pulled on an oversized off the shoulder shirt and yoga pants. I pulled my hair up and walked to the kitchen finding myself a glass and pouring the red wine full.

Keeping the lights off, I reached for the remote to the IPod still in the dock of the Bose and hit play.

Wine in hand, I walked to the large windows and allowed my thoughts to flow.

The song spoke my thoughts… “Dangerous power.” by Gabriel & Dresden.

I stood there for what seemed like hours watching the city below.

Something needed to change. I no longer had a taste for this game I had been playing. Ally’s memory, and her words a constant. Flooded me. Yes, something needed to change. I couldn’t and would not play Sebastian’s game…which meant I would be quitting my job come Monday…It was also time for me to move out of the city. I had planned to renew the lease, but now, I knew staying here wouldn’t help me. This was my wake up call. Sam, shot in front of me was too much.

I knew now that my resolve was always one of protection…I needed to protect my heart…my Ally. I couldn’t continue on this path and do that.

Ignoring the roar of the door slamming into the wall. I heard the laughter of what was obviously a one nighter and Charlie…each hot for the other. I paid them no mind and didn’t move. Within a few minutes, the door slammed shut and they made their way into Julie’s room.

After about thirty minutes, a satisfied Charlie quietly walked from the room closing the door as softly as he could. I still didn’t turn to him and