Holt's Holding (Part One) - By A Dagmara Page 0,44

I buried. The longing to allow myself to be held, to feel secure in that hold.

“You were not a conquest Lillian…I want to know you…I want you to know me”, he paused “You are more than I suspected you could be to me…try for me, try to let go and give yourself a chance. Let me show you what you’re guarding yourself from…what you heart is missing.” He pleaded.

“Why would you ask this of me…you don’t know me…you know nothing of me. I’m not worth the energy you would need to commit to me. You’re right, perhaps, I am broken…and I don’t need you to fix me. I could never be what you want me to be. I tried my hand at a relationship once, I brought him nothing but heart break Sebastian…to this day, I see it in his eyes…You don’t understand what you would be asking of me or what it will do to you.” All the lies and the past flooded me. He has no clue nor would he be ok with any of it. This was a game to him. If he for a moment understood the truth of who I was and what my past was, there would be no way he would want anything to do with me.

“I want a chance Lillian…I want you to give yourself a chance. We would be perfect for each other…I sense it …don’t you? This is more than just an attraction and you know it.”

“I need to go Sebastian, you don’t know me. Trust me, if you truly did, you would run.”

“Please …just try,” he implored. His voice beseeching me. Geez. He just didn’t get it. Or perhaps he did.

“Sebastian…don’t play games with me…I’ve already had the pleasure of understanding how you operate…you had me in your bed, let that be enough.”

He released me, and I turned pausing just a moment looking up into his blue eyes as he offered me a crooked smile. I walked from him noticing my clutch and a bag with my clothes from last night. I reached down, picked up my belongings, and headed for the door.

“Yes, I did have you in my bed”, His voice rang through me. “I intend on having you there again, and next time it will be because you belong there with me…I want you Lillian…all of you!”

“That’s a nice dream Sebastian…I’m no ones to be had…You will never have all of me for my heart is buried in a grave where is will wait for me to join.” I opened the door and walked out from his suite.

Down the hall, I waited patiently for the elevator. Blindly, I entered it, when the scent caught my attention…the cologne. One name hit my mind.

Charlie!

The elevator was empty, as it ushered me down to the lobby. Exiting, I walked thru and hailed a cab. I needed to get to the hospital. I need to check on Sam.

The ride seemed longer than I thought my mind stuck on every word Sebastian spoke. I shook my head…He got me to open up more than I thought I would ever allow. However, Brady’s warning registered…Sebastian knew how to fuck with a woman’s mind. That’s precisely what he was doing…fucking with my mind.

Broken…he said I was broken…I laughed to the thought. I was not broken…I was resolved in a purpose, a promise I made. Fucked up perhaps? Yes, I was fucked up, however, if anyone had my experiences to deal with, they would be broken, me, nope; I suppose I was built for this life. I had lived through so much already. Not broken, just a survivor in my opinion.

Ally…I failed her once…now I wouldn’t make that mistake again. My resolve was firm and I will be damned if I failed her again.

Chapter 8

Finally, at University of Maryland Hospital…I made my way to Sam’s room. Inside her mother and Brady stood laughing and I could hear her complaining as the simple act caused her pain.

I stopped at the edge of her bed. “How are you doing love?” I smiled down to her.

“Drunk on pain killers Lil…and very good pain killer may I add!” she giggled, “oh shit, it hurts to laugh!”

Relief flooded me…she was ok. Brady watched me intently and stood up quickly to embrace me. I shook the tremble cascade thru me and into him.

“Lil…you look worse than me?” Sam’s voice sobered up.

“I’m fine Sam…I’m so sorry…I would have been here sooner…I blacked out last night…I’m so sorry!” and the tears fell free