Holt's Holding (Part One) - By A Dagmara Page 0,46

focused out to the street below.

He opened the fridge and the light brightened the room.

I sensed that he finally spotted me. The close of the fridge door was slow. He walked over and stopped behind me knocking over the three bottle of wine I clearly went thru.

“Shit Lillian…you drank all those?”

I said nothing my eyes fixed and still pooling tears that I hadn’t realized were ever constantly flowing down my face.

Knowing he was standing next to me, I was still startled when he touched me and trembled.

“Lillian…are you ok?”

I didn’t answer.

“Are you mad at me for the other night?”

“No” I whispered.

I heard my phone buzz…I assumed it was Julie. I had texted her informing her that I would be moving out this week.

Charlie picked up my phone and read the message.

“You’re moving?”

“Yes.” I replied staring out the window.

“Please tell me that I didn’t cause this? Julie will have my balls.”

I turned to him, “Why do men think the world revolves around them?”

He sucked in a deep breath and placed his hand to my cheek…

“You’ve been crying Lillian…what happened?”

“My friend was shot Friday night…it was a wakeup call Charlie…one I was in need of.”

“I’m so sorry Lillian” he tried to pull me to him.

“Don’t Charlie” I placed my hand to his chest. Stepping slightly away from him.

“Lillian…please let me be here for you.” He asked with such care.

A woman’s voice called his name…he released a sigh and stepped back releasing any attempts to hold me.

“I think you’re being summoned, better get to her.”

“I can and should get rid of her.”

“But why would you Charlie? Certainly not for me…I don’t want you to.” And I didn’t. I had so much to work through, I was grateful for the first time in days, my mind was so preoccupied, that his presence didn’t faze me.

I walked from his stunned expression, with my almost empty fourth bottle of wine, to my room, making sure I closed my door behind me.

I sat at my bed looking out the window…I was drunk and numb…always numb…pathetic. I was actually wallowing in my own mess. I got over my head. Lord, I wish my life had been different, normal.

All the words and adjectives that had been used to describe me circled my mind…the tears continued down…

I wasn’t sure what had happened, but it felt like my heart ached for the first time in seven years…my heart ached.

The bottle now empty, I dropped it to the floor and lay down on my bed. My eyes sore and unable to produce a single tear. Lying on my side, I found myself just staring out in the dark.

I felt the bed shift…his weight came down and pulled me to him. His cologne was a dead giveaway. Charlie.

I didn’t protest. I wanted to be held…it had been so long since I had been…since I needed to be held. He pulled the covers up over us wrapping in his warmth.

“I’m here Lillian…I won’t let you go until you need me to.” He whispered behind me with conviction and kissed the back of my head. “I’m not sure what happened, but don’t move out.”

“I need to Charlie. I need to get away from…” I paused catching my words. “I just need to change some things in my life. I can’t keep going down this path. I don’t even think I want it anymore.”

“I’m not really sure what it is in your life that you feel like you need to change, but if I may, follow your instincts. If they are telling you to change your path, then there is probably a good reason for it. But, don’t run away. Running never solves anything.” He sighed. “Trust me; I know a thing or two about running away.”

“I’m not running away Charlie. I don’t run, nor do I give up. However, right now, I just want it to end. I want to be free of my past. I want normal Charlie.”

“You’re not normal Lillian, I say this in a good way. The moment I saw in the kitchen, I sensed you were so much more,” he paused and I sensed him thinking over his words. “You are amazing, strong and confident. You have me guessing, not many have me doing that. You scare me.” His last statement, his confession, had me hold my breath.

“You scare me too.” I sighed. “But, I just can’t go there, not with you.” I whispered.

I could feel his body tense a bit. “What is it that prevents you? Why are you holding