clingy… in a good way. It’s usually only me, so it’s nice knowing you want to spend as much time with me as you can. I can’t fault you for something that I feel the exact some way about.” Damn the guilt is growing.
“I’m with you one thousand percent, speaking of our relationship I’m ready to express the fact that we are dating... to everyone, including the office. I don-”
“No, I’m not ready for people to know about us.” Not that expected her to be gung-ho about telling everyone she works with she’s fucking her boss, but to be completely turned down makes me feel like some dirty little secret.
“Okay, I see you feel rather strongly about this, but so do I. Why don’t you tell me some of the reasons you don’t want to?”
“Channing, I just don’t I don’t like people being privy to my business and I don’t want people to think I’m fucking my boss for a come up. Think about how it’ll look on my part. NO, let’s just keep this between us?” I clench my teeth together and try to keep my cool. Keep this between us? Little does she know I want to beat fucking my chest and shout it to the roof tops just how much I love and adore her.
“Well I’ll tell you now I don’t want to hide you like a dirty secret.”
“I don’t think of us as a dirty secret.”
“Then what is you think of us as? I believe when you want to hide what we have going on because you’re afraid of getting adverse reactions and opinions that sounds like a dirty secret.” When she doesn’t say anything, I look over to see she’s looking out the window, making a face. Shaking my head, I drop the conversation knowing I’ll have to show her my thoughts on wanting to keep us a secret rather than tell her.
~*~
Angel
In the past month dating Channing, my life has changed drastically. For one I’m not used to having so much money at my disposal, especially not after paying my brother’s room and board fees. This month I feel like a new woman. I was about to put actual dollar bills in my savings account and even send some money to my mama to help her pay the bills back home. Living with Channing has also been a dream because I don’t have to provide every meal for myself anymore. Channing cooks five days out the week and the days he can’t cook he has a chef come in. It’s as if I’m living in some type of fairytale.
Even Nia said I was living the life when she came over and saw the way Channing set me up in comfort. Though there are a few things I had to put my foot down on, like him wanting to pay my brother’s way through school. He quickly understood that I wanted to do that myself. Aside from that everything has been smooth sailing, but I knew it was only a matter of time before it all came crashing down around me.
Why does he want everyone to know about us? I understand he’s happy we’re together and so am I but I’m not comfortable having the people I work around knowing my personal business. I thought we were on the same page, but I guess I was wrong. To top it off he thinks I consider him a dirty little secret? Tsk, yeah right! The way he’s been treating me I’d be happy for people to know about us… if he weren’t my fucking boss
I know a small part of me is worried about the criticism that I’ll receive and that people will think I’m less than the other women he’s dated and brought to the office. Even for being the confident strong black woman that I am, I still have feelings of doubt. I know that I don’t look like any of the women I’d ever seen him with and none of them were my size. Double whammy. I hate this feeling of being insecure and I hate the thought of being ridiculed even more. I won’t be setting myself up for failure like that. Channing will just have to understand and get over it.
When he pulls up to the office, I grab my things and hurry out the car slamming the door, damn near running, so he can’t catch up to me. I don’t want people seeing us come into the building together even