I thought about throwing them out, I became physically sick and my nerves started acting up.
And I just went and did something idiotic. I hurt her feelings. Again. I'd made her want to leave me AGAIN. Yelled at her! What the hell was I thinking? I’d been in and out of my therapist’s office all Saturday and Sunday trying to get this obsession under control and in the end, I got nothing from it. How can I continue to treat the woman that I adore like this? It’s shameful and wrong! She deserves so much more. My woman deserves the world handed on a platter by no one other than me.
Saturday when I woke up, I had an intense craving to be around My Angel. I was delirious in my want and did something reckless. When I told my therapist Shay about it, she looked as if she wanted to beat me over the head with a brick. It was one of those few times she couldn’t mask her disgust, but I can’t say I don’t understand where it came from. For a man to sneak into his own woman’s house, and take a pair of her panties, lay in her bed breathing on her pillow is kind of sick. When I told her that after I left her house, I used her panties to jerk off, she was ready to call the cops on me. Thank God she grew up with me and knew I’d never harm her, or I’d be in jail. Her only “prescription” for me was to distance myself from Angel and get rid of everything I had that’s associated with her.
That’s easier said than done. She might as well ask me to kill myself. Angel is my entire existence, she’s my world, my love, my heart. Mine! I could never be apart from her. Still recognizing that I’m getting out of control, I did take SOME of her advice and put everything away outside of her panties. I refuse to distance myself from her so I minimize contact with her unless it was absolutely necessary but fuck me if this isn’t painful. I’m in serious withdrawal.
I'd almost lost her just now over this bullshit advice. I can’t take it anymore. I snatch my phone off the receiver and press two for my brother. As soon as he picks up he starts chuckling.
“Still going through it, huh?”
“You don't know that half of it. She tried to quit just now!” I slump in my seat.
“Damn. I don't know what I'd do if Nia tried that. I know I'd go crazy.”
“Exactly! I am going crazy. I don't know how much longer I can do this. I need her.” I tell him peeping outside to see if she’s still at her desk. She is! Thank God!
“If it’s that tough then stop being a bully and ask her out already! If you don’t overcome this fear you’ll end up losing her for good. She obviously isn’t like the other women who respond to aggression. No, she seems like the type that wants to be spoiled. She wants you to treat her like you do in secret as her admirer. Learn to control your demon and be honest with her, I’m sure she’ll warm up to you if you explain to her that you’re just a shy asshole who worships the ground she walks on. She’s a romantic. Tug at those heart strings a little, be nice for a change and shit you might end up marrying her. Show her how comfortable life with you can be and I guarantee you bro she’ll never want to leave.”
“That sounds like a dream come true.”
“Just picture it your obsession laying right next you every night AND you work with her too! She'll never leave your sight. All that love for her and you’re sitting there wasting it treating her like shit. Come on bro for a billionaire you sure are stupid.” I sit up at my desk and hang up on Landen. He’s right! Angel is a romantic and if I just stop being a child and reveal my true feelings, she’ll love me. I slam my hand down on the desk in conviction. I will be honest! Shaking I stand up and walk to my office door. I clear my throat and make the first move in securing my wife.
“Angel may I see you in my office.” She turns to me surprised. “Please.” She says nothing, gets up from her desk and