be a gymnast. I always felt like my arms and legs were in the way. I was never good at the apparatuses anyway, but I could tumble all day long, so I was better suited to diving. I’m not saying it’s a completely even playing field. Still, race, sexuality… none of it matters as much as being in top physical shape and performing in your sport to the best of your ability. The best time wins the race.”
“That’s true.” And Isaac did believe that in his heart. But Tim was talking about an Olympic ideal, not necessarily the reality. Although maybe Tim had a point too. Isaac tried to relax and listen, to hear what Tim was saying without his own experience and bitterness tainting it. Tim was naïve, maybe, but he also saw the world in a way Isaac liked.
“And now all these barriers have been broken. I’m not the first openly gay athlete. I’m not even the first openly gay diver. Several came before me. But kids still look up to me. They tell me, you know, it’s important to see people like themselves be successful.” Tim took a deep breath and flattened his hand against Isaac’s belly. “You could be that role model, you know. If you do the interview, I mean. Show that it’s possible to make mistakes and make amends. That alcohol doesn’t own you. That you can hit bottom but still get back up to the top.”
Isaac pressed a hand to his forehead. “Jesus. I mean, I get what you’re saying, but it’s so hard to talk about.”
“I know. You may decide it’s better to lie low. But it could also be good publicity if you frame everything in a smart way. Or maybe you can help someone. Particularly athletes. We train our whole lives to reach the pinnacle of our sports. I mean, you know. How many hours a week do you spend in a pool? How hard has it been to hold down a job around your training schedule?”
“Yeah.” Isaac mostly lived off his endorsement money, which was why his apartment was so sad. He trained six days a week during the swim season. He’d had a few part-time jobs, but he didn’t have enough hours free to take on a full-time job. Many athletes needed endorsements and prize money to support themselves while they trained.
Tim said, “Our careers are done before we’re forty. Some athletes are done a lot sooner. And if you’ve trained for the Olympics your whole life and not only do you not win, but your career ends soon thereafter? I bet a number of athletes have to deal with substance abuse or depression after the Games are over. Maybe you can help show them their lives aren’t over when their athletic careers are done, after all.”
It was a nice sentiment, but Isaac wasn’t the right man to deliver that message. He wasn’t noble; he didn’t have a pat story he could sell in a thirty-second commercial. He was too much of a fuckup. “Shit, this role model stuff is not for me. I’m no role model. I’m an alcoholic who happened to win some swim races.”
“I think you sell yourself short,” said Tim.
“I’m not… I mean, Luke is the team captain. Everyone looks up to him. He’s a good guy. Likes to mentor the younger swimmers.”
“I don’t think you have to be a mentor to be a role model.”
“I’m selfish. I’m here for selfish reasons.”
“I don’t think you’re selfish either.” Tim ran his hands over Isaac’s pecs, over his shoulders.
“No? Because I am. Totally fucking selfish.” Isaac sensed a change in Tim’s tone. The serious conversation was over.
“Maybe it depends on the context,” Tim said, snaking his arms around Isaac.
“I suppose I give back in certain ways.”
“I suppose I want you to give me something right now.”
Isaac stifled a chuckle. God, Tim was cute. He leaned over and pecked Tim on the mouth. “Yeah?”
“Kiss me like you mean it, asshole.”
Now Isaac laughed. “Sounds about right.”
They kissed. Isaac thrust his fingers into Tim’s hair and opened his mouth, really kissing Tim, sliding his tongue into Tim’s mouth. Tim tasted like toothpaste, which was endearing. So was Tim’s daring move to get something started. Isaac hesitated for just a second before running his hand down Tim’s back, over his ass, and hooking his hand behind Tim’s knee to pull him closer. Tim was hard under his warm-up pants, his cock pressing against Isaac’s hip. Isaac’s skin tingled and his