thing coming here,” Luke said. He guided Isaac over to a chair and made him sit down. “What’s really going on? You and Tim?”
“I think I’m in love with him.”
“Wow,” said Katie.
“And I thought he cared about me too, but how can he, if he’s with Pat?” Isaac looked at the door, mindful of Luke’s and Katie’s gazes on him. “How easy would it be to walk outside, to walk to America House, to order a goddamned beer and have that be the end of it? Because I don’t feel this way when I’m drunk.”
“No, but you do feel like shit. You’ve worked so hard, Isaac. This thing with Tim, maybe nothing is happening and he’s just at the gym or he turned his phone off or something. I can’t believe he’d go back to Pat, especially not without saying something to you.”
“But you saw them together.”
“They did get in Pat’s car,” Luke said, glancing at Katie. “But it looked like they were arguing.”
Isaac felt an anxiety attack coming. God, he hadn’t felt like this in a long time. Not since before the last time he fell off the wagon. He’d developed so many coping mechanisms, and they were all failing him now, because this was stupid. It was probably nothing. Luke was probably right—Tim was just at the gym and his phone was in his locker. He wasn’t with Pat.
But what did it say about Isaac that he could fly off the handle so easily?
“Why am I like this?” Isaac asked. He was aware of Katie staring at him, but, well, she’d just have to witness his nervous breakdown. “I should be happy. I’m the best swimmer at these Games, you know? I’ve won gold medals. I met this amazing guy, and he seems to like me back. But it’s like my brain won’t even let me have that, because here I am, freaking out about what is probably nothing.” Isaac bent forward and put his head in his hands. “I don’t deserve him.”
“Isaac.” Luke’s voice took on that stern tone again, though there was softness around the edges. “You deserve everything. Don’t you know that? I’ve never known anyone who works as hard as you do, who fights for things the way you do. You’ve told me your sobriety is a daily battle, but it’s one you keep winning. Don’t let this break you.” Luke exhaled loudly again. “I won’t lie and say this is nothing, because it’s clearly got you out of sorts. I don’t see Tim betraying you this way, but I don’t know him, and I did see him and Pat together today. But you know that even if he did, you’ll get through it and live to swim another day.”
“That’s not helpful, Luke,” said Katie. “I’m sure it’s nothing. Tim probably needed to tell Pat off one more time.”
Isaac had to make these feelings stop. His anxiety over Tim, his anxiety over his anxiety—it was all threatening to pull him under. There was only one way he knew of to make these things stop.
“I need some air,” Isaac said, standing.
“You aren’t going to do something stupid, are you?” Luke asked.
“I can’t make any promises.” Isaac ran out the door before Luke could protest more.
“IF YOU don’t leave right now,” Tim said to Pat, “I’m going to call over that security guard and have you escorted back to your hotel. And then I’m filing a restraining order. Because I never want you within fifty feet of me ever again. Is that clear?”
Pat had been shadowing him since they got back to the Athlete Village. He’d followed Tim to the gym and watched him work out like a creep—which was supremely distracting, so Tim cut the workout short—then trailed after him as he walked back toward the dorms. So Tim made the decision to steer him into America House, a public enough place. And on the way, he’d spotted the cameras, so he’d schooled his face to make sure he was not scowling and waved to make it look like he was a good sport about the press coverage. But once they were inside, he steered Pat into a corner booth and did his best to make Pat see the truth. So far he’d been failing miserably.
“So that’s it,” Pat said simply, easily. Too easily.
Then something occurred to Tim. He sat back in the booth. “Oh my God. You orchestrated all of this, didn’t you? You tipped off that camera guy that you’d be here with