Helpless (Steel Demons MC #5) - Crystal Ash Page 0,47

Freyja had a similar calming effect to Mariposa.

“What do I do?” I whispered to whatever wisdom inhabited the animal. “I can’t stop thinking about her. I want to touch her every chance I get, but I—”

You’re terrified, I know. But you must take some risks, son. Take a leap of faith. She is a gentle woman. If you fall, she won’t drop you painfully.

“But I don’t want anyone else,” I said. “It feels like I’ll never find anyone like her if I fail, but I feel like a fucking idiot for even thinking I have a chance.”

That is the poison you’ve heard all your life, dear one. You know in your heart it isn’t true. What did she herself tell you? These men you ride with, what do they tell you?

The cat stared at me expectantly, like she really wanted an answer.

“That I’m good at what I do. My loyalty is unwavering. I’m an asset to the club, and I’m, um, a good tattoo artist.”

Yes, what else?

I looked down at my hands, remembering Mariposa’s fingers wrapped around them just a few days ago.

“She told me I’m already good enough as I am. That I’m already a better man than many out there, better than others she’s known.”

And does that sound like someone who considers you beneath her?

“No, she’s nothing like—like them.”

My chest tightened as I fought memories of my past, feeling like cold blades trying to cut their way to the forefront of my mind. Mariposa said I’d have to confront them one day to truly beat them. But I was perfectly fine with keeping them locked away for as long as I lived.

You won’t grow as a human unless you face what terrifies you.

I stared at the cat, unsure if she was reading my mind or referring to taking a chance with Mariposa.

Try something tomorrow. Share a part of yourself. She wants to know more about who you are.

“She does?” My heart leaped. “She told you that?”

The rhythm of Freyja’s purr changed abruptly, sounding almost like a laugh, but the cat said no more. She jumped off my bed and disappeared.

I laid back against my pillow and closed my eyes, my body heavy with the sleep medication now settling into my limbs. They were either finished next door or I was already too far under to hear. But I returned to that feeling, the one that made my thoughts bounce around knowing I’d spend at least two full days with her.

I think this means I’m excited, was my last thought before drifting off.

The sky was still dark when I woke up, the coldness of right before dawn settling into my room. I pushed back the covers and rose from bed, already wide awake and eager to start the day.

Walking around my bed on bare feet, I was unsurprised to find I was alone—no cat trapped in here with me, despite never opening the door last night. I splashed cold water on my face and wondered if Freyja’s pep talk last night was some kind of hallucination from my sleeping pills.

You know it wasn’t. Your own brain would have never encouraged you like that. Plus, it wasn’t the first time. At this point, it was hardly unusual for anyone in the SDMC to hear voices.

I dropped down to the floor and started a quick workout routine, hoping it would calm my nerves. Since joining the SDMC, I’d never spent extended time away from the majority of my brothers, and that gave me a mixture of excitement and nervousness.

Jandro taught me how to function in the real world, and I leaned on him heavily in the first few years of my freedom. Lately, I’d started to wonder if I was outgrowing the routine we established. I could talk to people without him prodding me now. I might even be able to talk to a woman besides Mariposa, if a situation called for it.

I held myself up at the top of a push-up, clenching my jaw as I slowly lowered down. Jandro almost felt overbearing lately. Not that I wasn’t grateful for his help in getting by, but with each passing day, I was starting to feel like I didn’t need him for that anymore.

Whenever we found a permanent place to settle, I might even like to try having my own home.

The sun just started to rise as I finished my workout and took a quick shower. After packing a few necessities in my saddle bags, I left my room to enter