Helpless (Steel Demons MC #5) - Crystal Ash Page 0,46

just there, convenient.

And the one person I actually wanted to spend time with was already busy next door.

You’ll have her company for the next two days, though. Without her men.

The thought sent a flutter of nerves through me, and not for the first time that night. It sounded like a dangerous rescue mission, nothing I couldn’t handle, but I was usually focused to the point of being robotic for these kinds of missions. Now I couldn’t stop thinking of everything but the objective, my thoughts bouncing around like tennis balls.

I wondered if Mariposa and I would get the chance to talk over coffee, like friends. Like she suggested before the move. Would there be an opportunity to hug her again? Would she want to ride on the back of my bike?

That last thought sent a rush of heat to my dick so abruptly I groaned, my hand moving down my torso toward that annoying organ. I never exposed my back to anyone. It was why I always rode in the rear, why I always faced the door when inside a room. And I sure as fuck never had a woman ride with me.

I wanted to, though.

As long as it was her.

Even just as friends, I could trust her at my back. I wanted to take that chance. I wanted to know what it felt like.

I closed my eyes and my fist at the same time, willing my thoughts to stop bouncing all over the place, my cock to calm down, and to go the hell to sleep. But her soft voice continued to murmur through the walls, with deeper voices responding. I knew I should dig through my bags for my earplugs, but I couldn’t stop listening.

I couldn’t stop wishing she was here with me.

It was purely selfish. It wasn’t like I could give her anything. I couldn’t please and satisfy her like her three men did on a daily basis. I’d probably make a fucking fool of myself if we ever ended up in a physical situation again. Not that we ever would, but…

I might’ve been rock hard for her, but I couldn’t help that response. All I really wanted was for her to be here next to me.

Lost in my own fantasies, the small, dark blur completely startled me when it jumped on my bed. The knife under my pillow was in my hand and pointed at the thing in the blink of an eye. Freyja just lowered herself into a seat as she stared at me from across the blanket.

“What are you doing here?” My gaze moved to the locked bedroom door. “How’d you get in?”

I can’t tell you all my secrets now, a feminine voice that definitely wasn’t my own floated softly through my mind. I have a reputation to protect. Cat-like reflexes will mean nothing to humans if you learn my ways, Shadow.

My hand with the knife lowered slowly to the mattress. “You can speak too. Like…like…”

Like Horus, yes. And Hades. Although those two are particular about who they speak to. Hades is not yet concerned with you, though I see Horus has taken you under his wing. The cat’s green eyes dilated, her gaze growing darker. He’s touched you, and I can see why. You poor, lonely creature.

“What…do you want?”

This didn’t at all seem like the animal who purred endlessly, who rubbed herself all over me, and allowed me to pet her. No, there was something unsettling and…human in the way this cat looked at me. Her mouth didn’t move, but the voice could only be hers. I heard with my ears and from a place deep inside me.

I’m here to give you permission, since you won’t give it to yourself.

“Permission?”

To think of her. Lust after her. Talk to her and touch her if you feel the urge. Hell, even touch yourself at the thought of her.

“What?” Heat and shame filled me, my hands jerking away from my own body as though I couldn’t trust myself. “I don’t want to—why would I—”

You do want to, son. And that’s all right. The cat walked across the bed toward me, a loud purr starting up from the small animal. No one polices your thoughts, your wants, and desires. You’re not hurting her or anyone else. So do not feel guilt or shame for feeling the way you do.

Her head bumped against my hand, the side of her small, furry body following to press along my side. The contact made the panic in me subside just slightly.