The Paranormals. We can work with that. Get you looking out of this world."
The band looked on tenterhooks and I realised I was sitting on my hands.
"What do you say? Ready for an image and name change?"
They said yes.
I yelled, "Yeeeeeeeesssssssss."
"Then that's four yeses. You're through to the next round. Congratulations, guys." Bill said.
And my mother sent me another text.
Mum: The neighbours will now think you've got a bloke round. FFS can you Please. Keep. The. Noise. Down. Before they report us to the council and we end up homeless.
An advert came on as the show finished and the voice said. “Win tickets to be in the audience of Britain’s Best New Band,” and before I knew it, my phone was in my hand and I was dialling the number.
Something told me that I needed to see this band for real.
I decided after calling, that my obsessional behaviour had hit an all-time high.
And then on Monday morning I got a text.
Congratulations! You are a winner of two tickets for the live rounds of Britain’s Best New Band. Please reply to this message with your name and email address.
Oh my god! I could barely tap the keys on my phone as I answered. Please don't go wrong. I needed those tickets like I needed the air to breathe.
Shortly afterwards I got a text confirming that tickets were on their way to my email address.
I rang Freya.
“Freya, next Saturday night, I need you. We’re off down to the London Landmark.” I spilled out excitedly.
“Uhm, why?”
Freya needed to get on board with my level of enthusiasm. This would not do.
“I just won two tickets to the first live round of Britain’s Best New Band.”
She shrieked and nearly took my ear off. “OMG, we have to get backstage. I need to be up close and personal with that Rex dude. He is so HOT.”
“I thought you were loved up with John?” I queried. My eyebrow was arched although she couldn’t see it.
“John is amazing, but I want to lick the sweat directly off Rex’s skin.”
Wow, it seemed my friend was also a tad overexcited about a member of The Paranormals. Good job it wasn't my man, because we always said ho's before bros, and I'd have felt bereaved.
Your behaviour gets more worrying by the day, my inner voice chided.
“Erm, okay then. Well, I have to be getting to work, so talk soon.”
“Yes, very soon. We need to plan outfits. We have to look killer, but also undercover. Maybe black, so we can sneak around.”
I ended the call wondering if I should have just taken my mum.
Zak
Britain's Best New Band auditions – ten months earlier
God, I was knackered. We'd been rehearsing hard all week and now had sung for the actual judges. Then we'd had to go through hair and make-up for a 'make under' before doing a fake performance for the camera. That was now all a wrap; we were through to the next round and I should be ecstatic. Except I still needed to go out and make contact with a fuck ton of women so I could appear in their dreams tonight and make them ecstatic.
Did that sound heavenly?
It was not. It was a curse straight from the seventh dimension of hell, Abaddon to be precise. The bastard had tricked me when I was a virginal eighteen-year-old who'd thought he was going to die that way. Drunken Zak went into a bar, not knowing it masked the 'Destroyer's' dwelling, and came out minus his soul and promising some of all those he slept withs because he'd been told there would be a LOT. And that wasn't a lie, as my quota got larger to the point where sex was now often a chore to meet my soul targets rather than my orgasm.
And you couldn't sleep well, when that's when you had to work. I was doing the day with the band, the evening with the flirting, and the night shift with soul searching, and I didn't mean figuring out the meaning of my life. I was too fucking exhausted for all that.
"I'm going to check out the competition until they call us for make-up." Our bass guitarist, Noah said. None of us were that dumb, the competition meant his ex, Stacey.
"I'm going to check out Harley." I told my bandmates and off I went in search of her. Harley Davies was the co-presenter of the show. She was gorgeous, with blonde bobbed hair I imagined would shake a little as her head