pull away from us like a wounded animal going off to die, but I can’t find the wound. Your father’s locked up, everyone is safe, and no one’s mad.” Jasper released a long sigh. “I need to tell you something, Saul. I’d have killed him myself. I’d have slashed his throat and let him bleed out. Elias would’ve too, and maybe even Jack Henry, especially if he was protecting one of us. Definitely if he was protecting the baby.”
Saul lowered his nose with a whimper. Jasper might not be mad at him, but he’d said an omega would be a better protector than he was. Saul was no alpha. He was someone who needed an alpha.
“But here’s the thing,” Jasper continued. “I love that you didn’t kill him. Your compassion is your strength. You have an emotional maturity far beyond mine, an ability to rein in this feral nature we’ve inherited and apply some humanity to it. I’m thinking about the way you courted Jack Henry.”
Saul hadn’t courted Jack Henry. It was another example of how he was less than alpha.
“You wanted him, didn’t you, big guy? I’ve seen how much. The way you lose yourself in him, it’s obvious how deep that desire ran, how long the need was there. And yet, you held back because you weren’t sure he wanted you. Always putting others first. That’s my Saul.” Jasper scrubbed behind his ear.
“The control you have over your baser nature is what makes you an alpha. You could’ve chosen chaos, could’ve let the wolf take over, but you chose to remain human. I’m proud of you, Saul. More proud than I can say. And grateful our pack has a heart I can count on to steer us right.”
They sat in silence for a moment as Saul contemplated Jasper’s words. When Otis had been pleading for mercy, the scent of blood ripe in his nostrils, he’d felt torn between who his father wanted him to be and who he wanted to be. Otis would’ve said kill. If Saul had killed him, Otis might’ve died proud of him. But Saul didn’t want to be the kind of person his father would be proud of. In that moment, he’d believed he was making the right decision, but as the trial went on with all its starts and stops and no guarantee that Otis would be convicted and put away, Saul had lost the assurance he’d had in that moment.
“I guess you know I’ve had my own struggles,” Jasper said. “You’ve always been quick to remind me that being an uber-alpha doesn’t mean being perfect. Or being responsible for every little thing, either. Some days I believe it. Other days, I beat myself up for not having killed Lon before he could ever get a paw on Jack Henry. For not having gotten home quicker when those men started in on you. For not figuring out what Miller and your father were up to. Should I have done better, Saul?”
Saul shook his snout. Jasper was the best. Why did he always think he ought to be better?
“Then could you grant yourself the same grace? We love you exactly the way you are. You have three mates who would fight Otis if he ever turned up again, but we only have one mate with your compassion and moral fortitude. Don’t take him from us, please?”
Saul’s mates loved him that much—enough to believe his flaws were assets. He didn’t know how he’d ended up so lucky, but maybe it was time to believe he had. To let his heart heal as well as his body did and live in the happy now instead of the unhappy past or the ominous future.
He burrowed into Jasper’s groin, snuffling around until he found Jasper’s cock with his tongue.
“Oh, it’s like that, is it?” Jasper looked around at the empty wilderness stretching away from them. “I’ve never wondered what it would be like to get a blowjob from a wolf before, but suddenly I’m curious.”
Saul made a noise that was as close as he could get to a snicker and took another lick, covering Jasper’s lengthening shaft with his tongue until drops of pre-come welled up. He wanted to deep throat Jasper, but he couldn’t figure out how to do it in wolf form, and so the next thing he knew, he was in human form, naked and hard and swallowing an unsurprised Jasper who only urged him on with a hand to the back of his head.
Saul