forget.
“Please forgive me, Vi,” he pleaded with me before admitting, “I don’t know how to go on without you.”
My chest burned with the knowledge that he was begging for my forgiveness. I longed to give it to him, but I was too angry to simply let this go.
When he said, solemnly, “If you truly want me to leave and never contact you again, I’ll do it under one condition,” my breath hitched.
My tumultuous emotions were ripped right down the middle. I wanted to comply with whatever his condition was, so he would leave, and I could begin to heal and move on with my life without him. But I also wanted to try to forgive him, accept his loving embrace, and live the rest of my life with him as my partner.
My voice was raspy when I asked, “What’s the condition?”
“If you can honestly tell me that you don’t love me, I’ll leave here right now and never contact you again––even though it will take all of my strength to refrain from reaching out to you.”
I blinked up at him, steeling my nerve. I didn’t want to hurt him, even though he probably deserved it for the way he had deceived me, but I knew what I needed to do.
After clearing my throat, I forced the words out. “I don’t love you.”
It came out as a whisper, but he must have heard me because he nodded once before lowering his head and quietly turning to leave. He pulled the front door shut behind him and it clicked into place with deafening finality.
46
Oliver
I couldn’t believe Violet truly didn’t love me. I’d been so confident that she did. Even if it was just a tiny fraction of the life-affirming, overwhelming love I felt for her, it would have been enough.
But she didn’t love me. She had looked me right in the eyes and uttered the words out loud. I never would have made that condition, if I had believed there was any way she would be able to honestly say she didn’t love me.
It had been an enormous mistake, but I had promised, and now I didn’t have any choice except to keep it. I had made what I believed to be a sure bet, but it turned out to be a gamble with my future happiness, and I had lost big-time.
I had no clue how to go on without her in my life. Nothing made sense without her by my side. It made me feel like a pathetic loser, but now that I had experienced true love––albeit one-sided––I couldn’t figure out a way forward without Vi.
The best plan I could come up with was to throw myself into my schoolwork. Perhaps achieving my professional goals would help me move through this crisis in my personal life. I might not ever be a happy family man, but at least I would be able to help others in their times of need during emergencies.
My first instinct when anything happened was to tell Vi about it. I wanted to share my personal triumphs, setbacks, and everyday happenings with her. So many times, I picked up my phone to call her, or typed out a text, but each time, I forced myself to refrain from going through with it.
I had promised not to reach out to her, and I was a man of my word. I had lied by omission to her from the beginning, so she likely had almost no respect for me. I wouldn’t risk what positive feelings she might still have for me by being dishonorable. Besides, if she wanted to talk to me, she knew how to reach me.
My online bank statement showed a refund for the amount of the Moxie machine. Apparently, she had figured out how to return it without having to contact me. I sighed sadly when I saw the line item. I had been hoping she would keep it and at least think fondly of me when she grabbed one of her favorite chilled beverages.
It was kind of funny that she’d felt the need to return that, but not the chocolate bar bouquet or puppy. Perhaps her stubbornness had its limits. I’d caught a glimpse of the candy centerpiece on her table while I was at her apartment. It looked like she had made a significant dent in it. And it was obvious by her interactions with Reese that she already loved the little scamp. At least she was keeping and enjoying some of my gifts.
Every time