I would, D. That’s why this attack was so severe. I felt so guilty about not being able to help you, and that made everything worse.”
Now he felt like a shithead. He’d been arguing and trying to make her feel guilty, but he’d had no idea this would happen. He wasn’t going to make her do anything. Neither of them would go.
“I’m sorry, Krasivaya. I didn’t know. We won’t go.”
“Just because I can’t go doesn’t mean you’re not.” The fire was starting to come back into her, and he was relieved. He hated seeing her in any kind of pain. It ate at him.
“Yeah, Becca, it means exactly that. I can’t go and risk someone finding out about my legs any more than you can go and have another panic attack. Will you tell me when these started? You’ve never said anything before.”
She sighed and fell backward, unaware that her nightshirt had ridden up and all that gorgeous pink lace was on full display. He couldn’t drag his eyes away from it. The urge to slide a finger along the top nearly choked him.
“It’s stupid, really.”
“It’s not stupid if it affects you like this.”
He hoped she’d sit up because he’d soon have to sit on his hands to keep from touching that damn lace. God, when had she developed a body Aphrodite would weep to have? He wanted nothing more than to explore every inch of it, but dammit, this was Becca. He would be a good lad if it killed him. Her next words brought his attention back to the subject at hand and not the exposed silky flesh currently on full display.
“I was three. Got lost at the mall.”
“And?” he prompted when she stopped talking.
“No one found me until the next day. My mom forgot she’d taken me along. Forgot about me entirely until my dad came home the next day. He’d been out drinking all night. Went looking for me and when he couldn’t find me, well, he beat the shit of my mom and came and found me. I’d crawled under one of the tables in the food court.”
How the fuck did someone forget about their kid? Dimitri’s fists clenched. He didn’t even want to think about the physical violence she’d witnessed and maybe been a victim of herself.
“I’m so sorry, baby.” He stretched out beside her on the bed so he could look at her instead of that damn lace.
“My mom had problems.” Her voice went soft. He knew she was struggling. Without thinking, he grabbed her hand and held it tight. “She was bipolar and had a serious cocaine addiction. Some days she forgot to eat, forgot to bathe, forgot everything. Forgot me and my brother. There were good days and bad days. She’d be the most amazing mother one day, and the next I’d come home to the cruelest person alive.”
“She hit you?” Dimitri’s entire body curled with the desire to hit something himself, anything. How had he never known this? Why hadn’t he taken her home? Picked her up for school? He wanted to scream with fury at himself for letting his best friend suffer when he might have been able to help her.
“No…well, not much. My mom did believe in the old adage, ‘spare the rod and spoil the child, apply the rod and save the child.’ I was rarely on the receiving end of a belt. The one time my dad found out, he went ballistic. He used the belt on her. It was the last time she ever hit me with it.”
“How old were you?”
“Fifteen.”
He jumped up, not trusting himself. He walked over to her window and braced his hands against the windowsill. Her freshman year. He’d never looked past the sweet girl in the library. He’d been more concerned with football and getting laid. Fuck it all.
“There’s nothing you could have done, Dimitri. Don’t blame yourself for things that weren’t your fault.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?” His voice was harsh, and Becca cringed.
“Shame? Embarrassment? Take your pick, D. No one wants their only friend to look at them in pity. I handled it.”
His shoulders heaved. Becca couldn’t tell if he was just breathing hard or if he might be more upset than she thought. It was something she never told anyone about. She still dealt with her mother. The woman wasn’t addicted to drugs anymore, but she still went weeks without taking her meds. When her dad passed away from a heart attack a few years ago, she’d