how long it’s been since I’ve eaten out at a sushi restaurant?” I popped a piece of sashimi into my mouth and chewed.
“Not really Sean’s scene?”
I chuckled and shook my head as Bailey took a bite out of a California roll. “Definitely not. The last time I ate it in front of him, I thought he was going to offer to cook it.”
Bailey grinned. “I’d actually pay good money to see him try to swallow down a piece of tuna. We might have to look into that.”
I picked up my sake and took a sip, staring at Bailey across the table. I still couldn’t believe he was here. That he was sitting opposite me and actually had a smile on his face. But he was, and the mere sight of him made something inside of me click back into place, like the final piece of a puzzle.
“Thank you for coming to see me tonight.”
Bailey looked at me, lowered his chopsticks to his plate, and sat back in his seat. “I should’ve done it a week ago.”
I frowned and shook my head. “No. You needed time. You—”
Bailey raised a hand. “Don’t make excuses for me. I’ve been acting like a shit.” We sat there for a couple of seconds, and then Bailey said, “This is going to sound really stupid, but Henri told me I needed to be honest about all of this or it’s never going to heal, so…” He averted his eyes. “I was jealous.”
My jaw almost hit the table. Nothing could’ve shocked me more. Bailey just wasn’t the jealous type. He never had been, not even when we’d been together. And since then, we’d had plenty of boyfriends and hookups come in and out of our lives.
The look on my face must’ve conveyed my confusion, because Bailey sighed and ran a hand over his buzzed hair. “It’s stupid—”
“It’s not,” I interrupted. “They’re your feelings and they’re never stupid. I’m just trying to understand where it’s coming from, that’s all. You’re happy with Henri, right?”
“Yes, of course. I love him. It’s just…” Bailey paused and lowered his eyes to the tablecloth, where he was tracing the restaurant’s logo with his finger. “You were always mine.”
Those four words were so honest that they made my heart ache. I reached across the table and covered his hand with mine. “I still am yours.”
“I know.” Bailey shook his head. “I told you it was stupid.”
“It’s not stupid.”
“It is. We haven’t been a couple for years, but when I saw you with Sean, something inside me just…freaked out. Maybe because I knew it was real. That you’d really fallen in love.”
I knew the feeling. When I’d realized I was interested in Sean, I’d felt the exact same way.
“It was like this weird mix of jealousy and betrayal and embarrassment.” Bailey scrubbed his hands over his face and shrugged. “I kept thinking, why Sean? Of all the guys out there, why would you choose him? And when I realized how serious things were between you two, I started thinking, what has he got that I don’t?”
“Bay…”
“I know it’s—”
“A pretty normal reaction, I would think.”
Bailey looked down at the table again. “That’s what Henri said.”
“You told him all of this?”
“Yes. That’s what made this even worse. I felt like I was betraying him by feeling this way.”
“Henri’s smarter than that.”
Bailey raised his head, and his blue eyes were a little glassy as he offered up a crooked smile. “He really is.”
“I know. He’s in love with you. That makes him a genius.”
Bailey chewed on his lower lip. “I’m sorry.”
“You don’t—”
“I do need to say this. So please, let me.” Bailey took in a deep breath and then let it out. “I’m sorry for the way I reacted to seeing you with Sean. Not the shock because, holy shit”—he chuckled—“it was shocking. But I’m sorry I didn’t handle it better. I was immature and unforgiving, and that’s not how friends act. Not best friends and not brothers.”
I could feel my own emotions getting the better of me now.
Bailey leaned over the table to take my hand in his. “I’m happy for you, Xander. Happy for you and Sean. It took me a minute to get my head around it. But the more I think about it, the more I realize how lucky I am. I love the both of you, and you love each other—what more could I want than that?”
“Thank you,” I said, and turned my hand over in his. “You don’t know how much