I feel like a bullet has just hit my chest. I feel the cold running from my fingers to my toes. It feels just like it did when my father died . . . maybe even worse this time because both of them are gone and they’re never coming back.
“I’ll give you some time—”
“Can I see her?” I ask before he backs away.
He hesitates, looking me over. “Her body isn’t in good condition. I don’t think that would be best.”
My lips press together as I glare at him but as I think on it, maybe seeing her isn’t so wise. If I see her lying down breathless, I’ll feel the emotions. I don’t want to feel the emotions yet. Right now I still feel numb and feeling numb is better than feeling anything at all. It hasn’t hit me yet.
“You can come by tomorrow for the papers,” the doctor murmurs. “We’ll be sure to take care of the body.”
He claps my shoulder twice before pulling back and walking off. I watch until he’s completely out of sight before turning slowly and pushing against the glass door to get outside. The feeling in my chest hurts like hell. There’s an ache—a hole, and I don’t know how to fill it. My world has literally just shattered.
As soon as I get into the car I smell her rosey scent. I fight the tears that come along with the memories. The teasing as I hug her. The way Mills and I used to make fun of her purposely just to get her to laugh after Dad died. It won’t be the same without her. It was already hard without my dad. He was my role-model in life. I looked up to him so much. He gave me my start in life and even with my music. After his death it seemed as if everything had crashed and destroyed but this . . . this is so much worse.
Mills is going to hate what I have to tell him but I have no choice. He was more of the momma’s boy than me. He spent more of his time with our mom than our dad so I know it’s going to kill him.
As I crank the Altima and head home, the numbness is still intact. I can’t seem to make myself cry or wrap my mind around it. I don’t want to face the truth. She’s gone and now we have no one to call our parents physically. We have nothing to hold onto but the memories.
It’s killing me but I can’t feel again. I can’t hold onto the freedom I once had before.
Everything feels completely demolished.
Chapter Three
Natalie
“Are you still waiting around for Nolan to call?” Harper asks me as she steps out of her bedroom. I glance over my shoulder before running a finger across the screen of my phone. I’ve been waiting all night for Nolan to text me back. I had even given his phone a call but it went straight to his voicemail. I’m beginning to worry about him.
During the past four months we were fine. At one point he thought his mother was going to be more than okay. He called me every day and gave me the details but on this one night when I need him to talk to me most, he isn’t responding.
Harper slouches down on the sofa beside me but my eyes don’t drift from the movie that’s playing. I’m not sure what movie it is. I just turned the TV on, hoping it would block my worry. It’s obviously been a complete fail.
“Nat?”
I finally turn to look at her, taking in the hint of worry behind her glass-blue eyes. “I’m okay, Harp.”
“No you’re not okay.” Her head falls against my shoulder as she stares at the TV screen with me. “Do you think his mom is alright?”
“If we’re being honest, no,” I say through a dry laugh. “If so, he would have called me by now. The surgery was last night and it’s been more than twenty-four hours.”
Harper sits up to look at me. As she fixes her lips to speak, my phone buzzes and I snatch it up quickly.
Nolan.
My heart pounds against my chest as I hop from the sofa and answer. “Nolan?”
I rush for my bedroom, shutting my door behind me. “Natalie.”
There’s a difference in his voice and I notice it as I sit on the edge of the bed. It sounds tighter, gravelly. “Nolan, what’s wrong?”