That Moment. The picture-perfect slice of time when she’d really, actually believed that James wanted her. All of her. That she, the prickly freak who lived to bitch, the awkward, bullied emo, the big-mouth who didn’t know when to swallow her outrage or how to express her own pain, would get the guy.
She wasn’t supposed to want to get the guy, but fuck that—love was important. Love was good. She loved James, and she’d wanted him to love her back.
He hadn’t, of course. Not like that, anyway.
But she couldn’t stop thinking about the blissful minutes when she’d believed he did. The way he’d stilled when she kissed him, just for a second—before wrapping his arms around her and kissing her right back. The way he’d touched her, so tender and reverent and barely restrained, as if underneath it all he was desperate. And the things he’d said—she’d never expected that from him, that flood of passionate honesty when they touched. He was always so calm, so steady, but when they’d been together…
“God, Nina, I want you so much I can’t breathe.”
Her eyes slid shut.
And popped open again when she heard James’s voice, not inside her head but from across the room.
“You hungry?”
Her cheeks burning, she turned to stare at him. He was standing in the doorway, looking good as fuck because he’d showered and changed. She liked his work clothes, but she liked regular James even better. He always dressed so well, as a kind of ‘fuck you’ to shops that didn’t carry his size, so he was leaning against the doorframe in a mint shirt that made his brown skin shine, the sleeves rolled up to display the black line tattoos on his thick forearms. His soft, grey trousers clung to his heavy thighs—but she really shouldn’t be staring at his thighs. She shouldn’t be staring at any of him, no matter how handsome he was.
Nina cleared her throat and opened up her laptop, patting nervously at her hair. Usually, she wouldn’t care about the fact that her week-old braid-out was in need of a wash and refresh. Usually, she wouldn’t think about James’s handful of ex-girlfriends—most of whom he remained friends with, and all of whom were 24/7 gorgeous. She didn’t compare herself to other women, ever. But right now she couldn’t help wondering what he saw when he looked at her, and why it hadn’t been enough.
Christ, what a gag-worthy thought.
“No,” she said, working to keep her voice calm. “I’m fine, thanks.”
There was a slight pause. He stared at her, his gaze a burning spotlight on the side of her face. She kept her eyes on her laptop, the words on the bright screen blurring into nothing.
Finally, he said, “You’re not hungry?”
“Nope,” she repeated.
“You haven’t eaten since that sub at lunch.”
“I know what I’ve eaten, James.”
He sighed. “Not to nag—”
“So don’t.”
“But if you don’t get three square meals a day, you…”
Despite herself, Nina felt a smile tug at her lips. She refused to give in to it. Still, her voice wasn’t quite as dry as she’d like when she said, “I turn into a raging beast?”
“Not exactly how I was going to put it,” he murmured, his amusement clear. He wandered closer, and for a moment it felt like old times: the two of them joking while he tried to look after her and she tried to resist. There was a slight, teasing smile on his face, and laughter fought its way up her throat.
Maybe she shouldn’t have stopped talking to him. It wasn’t his fault that he didn’t want her. She should’ve stayed calm, listened to his oh-so-considerate apology, and found a way to forgive him. Better yet, she never should’ve touched him in the first—
A word on the computer screen caught her attention with a jolt. She finally focused on the page in front of her, for real. And the tentative, wistful hope she’d been feeling was replaced by devastation.
James must’ve seen the blood drain from her face, because he frowned and came to kneel by her side. “What is it?”
“Nothing.” She tried to shut the laptop, but his big hand caught hers. Giving her a warning look, he pushed the screen fully upright again. Together, they watched the constantly moving stream of posts.
@RealityCheckUK we got you now bitch
@ RealityCheckUK gonna pay u a visit see how loud u scream
@ RealityCheckUK this will teach you to look down on your betters you dumb ape
@ RealityCheckUK—
James shut the laptop a little too hard and set it