I’m not decent.’ She was very nervous. ‘But the water isn’t see-through. Sit down, move the towels.’
He sat on the mini-stool, determinedly avoiding looking into the milky water. ‘Sorry,’ he said. ‘Jessie was worried about you. Because of Liam being a no-show …’
‘How’d you know I was in here?’
‘Your name is on the list.’
She pressed herself against the side of the bath, supporting her face on her folded arms. His elbows rested on his knees. His hands were so beautiful. His thin knobbly wrists and raw knuckles seemed achingly vulnerable to her. God, she had it bad.
‘I’m leaving Liam.’ It was out of her mouth before she could stop it.
‘What?’
Oh, God, no. ‘I shouldn’t have said that. Liam should be the first to know.’
‘Did something happen?’ Ferdia asked. ‘Did you find out … something?’
‘I found out that I don’t love him any more. Isn’t that enough? I’m a terrible person. Ferdia,’ Nell said urgently. ‘You can’t tell anyone. Not until I’ve told Liam.’
‘You can trust me. A million per cent.’
Unblinking, they gazed at each other in the shadowy light of the lanterns.
‘Are you single now?’
That was so unexpected, she actually laughed. ‘God, I don’t know. I have no fecking idea.’ Then, ‘Who wants to know?’
‘Me.’
Oh.
He swallowed hard. Croakily, he said, ‘Just putting it out there. Nell, I think about you all of the time –’
‘You do …?’
He moved his chin up and down. He looked miserable.
‘What …? Happened? When?’
‘Maybe … Dilly’s first communion? I knew it wouldn’t have been Liam’s idea to give the money to Kassandra. It had to have been yours. Just … your passion, your values, the way you walked your talk. It’s how I wanted to live.’
‘I thought you didn’t like me.’
‘I thought I didn’t too, if you wanted to be married to Liam. Then the weekend in Mayo, you told me to volunteer somewhere. So I did. Because I wanted to impress you.’ Then, quickly, ‘But now I’m doing it for real. I mean it, I’m committed to it. Remember when Perla was doing that talk? You walked in and bam! The most beautiful woman in the world. Ton. Of. Bricks. I nearly lost my mind.’
‘But so soon after Sammie …?’
His smile was melancholic. ‘Sammie knew before I did. On the train home from Westport, she called it. I knew I thought you were cool, I didn’t know then there was more to it. But Sammie loves you. It’s all good.’
He winced. ‘Then Italy. That was agony. My birthday, same. But you came to the Button Factory, I’d had a few drinks, I couldn’t hide how I felt. Why were you there, Nell?’
Because I didn’t have the stamina to keep resisting.
Abruptly, he looked depleted of everything. ‘Just tell me, is there any chance? For me? For us?’
‘Pass me a towel?’
Startled, he pawed around on the slate floor. Unfolding the towel to its full width, he got to his feet. She rose from the bath, water draining off her body, into its embrace, then let him wrap the towel around her and secure it with a chaste tuck near her armpit.
He offered his hand, to help her to step out, but she shook her head. While she was in the bath, with some sort of a barrier between them, she’d felt they were safe.
Hesitantly, she reached for him, pulling his body against hers, drawing his face closer. She shut her eyes, felt his breath on her skin, then his mouth on hers, slow and aching and tender. His hands were in her wet hair and the kiss intensified, becoming more urgent.
If they didn’t stop soon, she would start fumbling at his jeans. She’d wrap her legs around his waist and let him slide into her. Or she’d pull him into the water, tearing at his clothes …
Holding her tight, tight, tight, pressing her hips against his, his gaspy, ragged breath loud in her ear, he whispered, ‘Get out of the tub, Nell. Please.’
‘No.’ With an effort, she pulled away.
Abruptly, he released his hold of her. Then, moving to the treeline, he pressed his arm against a trunk and tried to catch his breath.
‘Ferdia,’ she said. ‘This is the scariest mess of my life. I can’t deal. I need to take care of things with Liam.’
‘Nell. I think I’m in love with you.’
‘Cop on!’
‘No, you cop on. There’s something special here between us. We both know it.’
‘I’m nine years older than you. I’m married to your uncle.’
‘Step-uncle. By marriage. And nine years is nothing. Sam Taylor-Johnson is