need to get up and leave, to keep yourself safe, you do that!’
That actually felt worse than all the others put together.
‘Um, thanks.’ Cara extracted herself as she spotted Gabby. She grabbed her. ‘Gabby, who did you tell?’
‘No one. Well, Erin, obvs. And I might have mentioned it to Galina. Because she’s always going on about her weight. Trying to tell her she actually didn’t have a problem, not, you know, compared to you.’ Gabby looked contrite. ‘Oh, God, I’m really sorry. I didn’t think she’d tell everyone. But you’re okay now, right?’
‘… Right.’ If she left now, everyone would say she’d gone home to eat herself into a coma. (She can’t help it, it’s an illness, you know.) Pride meant she had to stick it out.
And surely, when they sat to eat, it would all calm down.
But as the time passed and the alcohol flowed, people became more intrusive, not less.
‘… I’ve never made myself puke,’ Milla was droning on to Cara, ‘but I’ve wanted to. Lots of –’
Janette shoved her way in and sat on Milla’s lap. ‘Cara, don’t take this the wrong way but why aren’t you thinner?’
‘Excuse me?’
‘Like, isn’t it the same as anorexia?’
And on it went. As soon as the chair next to Cara was vacated, another woman arrived, keen to probe.
‘Dessert?’ the waitress yelled, above the drunken hubbub. ‘Who wants to order dessert? Yourself?’ She looked at Cara.
‘Tiramisu, please.’
‘Are you allowed?’ Celine yelled from further down the table. ‘You’re bulimic.’
‘I’m fine.’ Cara managed a smile.
When her tiramisu arrived, everyone watched Cara with the same avid interest as if she were swallowing fire. Casually, without any evident enjoyment, she ate four or five forkfuls, then abandoned it with about a quarter of the slice left.
‘Jesus, fair play,’ Delma said, impressed. ‘I could never do that.’
Cara waited, braced for a craving to kick in. Even if she got an urge to eat all the cake in the world tonight, she wouldn’t give in.
But nothing happened. She was fine.
Nell wandered back the way she’d come. It was properly dark now. Maybe she’d see if one of those outdoor bathtubs was free.
All seven were up for grabs. Looked like no one wanted to be having a bath on a Saturday night. Nobody but her. She booked on the app, then wandered along until she found the narrow break in the trees. Slipping into the dark green copse, hot, fragrant water steamed silently into the night air. Fresh waffle towels sat on a low, rustic-looking stool and a robe hung from wooden slats. The slate flooring was dry and faintly warm to the touch. Everything gave the impression that, literally seconds previously, a team of people had been dashing about, making it perfect for her, but there wasn’t sight or sound of a single human.
The lanterns strung through the branches gave off a pale yellow glow. On a shelf made from the branch of an ash tree stood five glass jars of hand-labelled bath salts. Nell threw in a handful of Ocean Mineral, which turned the water blue and milky, then stripped and climbed in, shuddering at the sudden warmth.
As her body floated, she looked up at the tangled branches of the trees and was grateful that she could still appreciate their beauty. She was going to leave Liam. When she got home tomorrow night.
Maybe he’d once again promise to do better, but it would change nothing.
She was grateful he’d been so horrible. It would be much worse if he was a nice man whom she’d simply fallen out of love with.
Liam would be fine, that was for sure. She suspected that all the blame would be put on her, and his next girlfriend would be treated to stories of his crazy ex. But none of that mattered. What she needed now was to extricate herself from him, and from all of the Caseys. Then this obsession with Ferdia would evaporate.
She’d miss them. But she’d had a life before and she could build a new one.
Floating on her back, her ears in the water, she heard a faint voice calling, ‘Nell?’
Quickly she sat up, displacing water with a loud sluice.
‘Nell?’ The disembodied voice was coming from just outside the circle of trees. ‘Are you okay?’
‘Ferdia?’
‘Mum sent me. She’s worried. Are you okay?’
‘Grand,’ she called. ‘Changed my mind about the gig.’
‘I’ll tell her. Sorry for disturbing you.’
This was nuts, them shouting at each other in the dark, through the trees. ‘Listen, come in. I’m decent.’