in my head — all distorted and odd angles and shapes, as fucked up as a Picasso. I just can’t see it. I feel the familiar lump in my throat as I watch the final display — a series of fast shooting bangs and burst of colors mixing, turning the sky into a work of art.
I just can’t see it.
Gwen takes Claire into her arms. “You look exhausted, sweetie,” she whispers against her ear. “You want auntie Gwinnie to put you to bed?”
She rests her head against Gwen’s shoulder. “Yes,” she mumbles with lazy lids. Her body is limp like a ragdoll’s.
“You too,” Gwen says to Chloe. “Time for bed.”
Chloe gives us a kiss goodnight.
Gabe kisses her on the forehead. “Goodnight, little monkey.”
“Thank you,” I say to Gwen. “We’ll be in soon.”
“Take all the time you need,” she tells us. “Spend all night here if you want. Talk and stuff,” she adds with a tight smile as she sets off toward the house.
I know exactly what she means by ‘talk and stuff’. And I know this is my opportunity but I don’t want to ruin this perfect weekend. But then again, it is almost over — we’re leaving tomorrow morning. Maybe this is the time. But… perhaps I should just wait. I’ve never been so confused.
Gabe buries his empty bottle of beer in the sand. And he studies me. His gaze lingers on me for what seems like an eternity. “Where have you been this weekend, Ella?”
I look up at him, not able to say a word.
“You seem distracted…distant. Are you not having a good time?”
I smile at him. “I am. It’s been the best trip.”
“It’s been great,” he agrees, looking up at the dark sky. And then he turns to me with a playful smile. “But I think it’s been missing a little something.”
I can’t help but smile. I know exactly what he’s saying.
He sits up and pulls off his fleece throw. “You think you have room on that chair of yours?”
I smile at him. “I don’t know…you’re a pretty big guy.”
He laughs. “I think you can make room,” he says with a wicked smile. “I think you want to make room.”
“Oh do I, now?”
He bites his lip. “Oh, you do,” he says as he stands and joins me under the purple blanket. The warmth of his body against mine feels amazing. I hadn’t realized how cold I was.
“Much better,” he says, his eyes glued to mine.
“Much better.”
Suddenly I find myself speechless. It’s so wonderful being close to him like this again. I try to forget about everything else. I just want to enjoy being next to him. He shoots me a playful grin — the kind of smile that says it all. Unsuspecting, he’s so carefree, so happy and it absolutely tears me apart. Maybe just tonight, I can pretend it’s just us two, like it used to be. I can let go of everything else and give him the fun wife he’s known forever. I don’t need to drag him down with me just yet.
I want him to kiss me. We haven’t kissed in ages. We haven’t touched each other in forever. I crave him, and I’m sure he craves me just as much.
He leans in and presses his mouth against mine. His kiss is soft and warm, and perfect. I trail my finger along the rough scruff on his face. I relish the feel of his tongue on mine. This is the kind of kiss which is really hard to stop. I get lost in it and savor it a little longer.
And when the sensation of his kiss travels to my sex, I finally manage to pull away. “You…better be careful…kissing me like that,” I warn him, the words caught between ragged breaths. “That kind of kiss usually leads places.”
His smile is playful. “That’s exactly the point.”
I smile a nervous grin. “We can’t…here…they can see us. Everyone can see us.”
“It’s pitch dark,” he whispers against my ear. “No one can see.”
The feel of his warm hand on the inside of my thigh is very distracting. “I don’t think…” I can’t really see us having sex here and now. Because I know the way I feel. Despite the crushing guilt, my body desperately wants him, craves his familiar touch. I’d lose control — I just know it. And people might definitely see that.
“Why don’t we go inside?” I suggest, trying to talk some sense into the man.
His hand slides further north, to the warm crook of my