I hadn’t really thought about it, but for some reason I’ve always pictured a boy. I wonder if this is simply silly superstition, and suddenly I’m itching to know. There have been far too many surprises in my life lately, I don’t need another one.
“Yes, I would love to know. Can you tell?” I ask, surprised.
“You said you had two little girls at home, didn’t you?” she says, with a face-splitting grin. “Well, this little guy isn’t too bashful. I can clearly see it’s a boy.”
My eyes well up and I bite back the tears.
A boy. A sweet little boy.
She hands me a printout of a few of the ultrasound photos before I leave. And I’m relieved to see everything seems to be fine.
I’m overwhelmed with emotion as I make my way back home. As soon as I step into the kitchen, I pull Gwen aside and tell her it’s a boy. She squeezes me tight. “Well, I won’t get to buy tiny adorable dresses, but I’m so happy for you.”
I think of Weston. He deserves to know. I take a snapshot of my favorite photo with my phone, the black and white ultrasound print forever memorialized on my phone. I send it to him with the caption:
It’s a boy! I like the names Jarvis, Nicholas and Oliver.
He sends me a message almost instantly.
:) He’s beautiful. I love the name Oliver.
As I read his short message and hold the thin piece of white paper between my fingers. The grainy photo stares back at me, and it hits me. We are really doing this…bringing a new life into the world.
I need to finally own it. I need to tell the girls. I vow to do it within the week. I know it will so hard, so confusing for them. First, I will them I’m having another baby.
They’ll probably both be beyond thrilled at first. But then, if Gabe doesn’t come back to me, they’ll wonder why he’s not standing by my side to raise this new baby. Do I tell them the baby’s daddy is someone else? How could they even understand this? They know nothing about the birds and the bees. And Weston clearly wants to be part of this child’s life. But in what capacity, I’m not sure. They will see this other man in my life — a man who was supposedly just a family friend. They will know he is their little brother’s father. And they won’t understand.
I close my eyes and let my mind drift. I can’t even begin to process all this right now.
Early on Saturday, Gabe comes by to pick up the girls for an over-nighter at their grandparents. They both hug me and give me a tearful goodbye.
“It’s only for one night,” I tell them. “I’ll see you tomorrow, sweeties.”
My heart is heavy as I watch them walk down the steps, hands intertwined in their father’s. He towers over them and the sight is so sweet. Just as they reach his beast of a truck, he turns back and shoots me a smile.
I smile back.
I’m waiting for you, I want to shout out.
As long as it takes.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
I am a stupid, stupid kitty.
I try to make out Gwen’s handwriting as I sit at a red light. She’s written directions and has drawn a little map, but it just looks like gibberish to me. Apparently, this little excursion is supposed to relax me, but so far, it’s doing the exact opposite.
I finally make out the name of the street.
I nip through the traffic with ease, round the corner and turn into the plaza. I spot the spa in the distance and manage to find a parking spot nearby. So far, so good.
When I finally get there, without a minute to spare, I am greeted by a friendly brunette with stylish glasses, standing behind the counter. “Welcome,” she says. “How are you?”
“I’m well, thanks. I have an appointment for a facial. Mirella Keates.”
She taps on her keyboard. Yes, you are a guest of Gwen Robbins.”
“Yes. That’s right. She thought I could use a little relaxing.”
She smiles. “Just take a seat, please. Our esthetician will be right out.”
I take a seat on the sleek brown leather sofa with the bright orange pillows. I eye the water jug on the table. Cucumbers are floating, looking delicious. I wonder if it is frowned upon to have a glass of water and then eat the cucumber slices. I know they’re for flavor. I wonder if this is one of