my own to love, teach, and be there for. I want to be a man my family can rely on, like you, Biggs, and Tru, and the rest of them. A man people respect and want to be around. Not anytime soon, of course. I’ve got a lot of ground to cover before I can be that man. But maybe five or six years from now, after I’m done with school and have several years in recovery under my belt.”
“You’re doing all the right things, Quincy,” Red reassured him. “Do you want to tell us what happened?”
“I told Roni about my past.” He looked at Axel. If he was lucky enough to have his own family, one day he’d have to tell his children about his past, too. “I didn’t sugarcoat it. I told her about the guy I killed, the kids living on the streets, and everything else, and for the first time in my life, I wish I was one of those guys who could lie.”
“No you don’t,” Biggs said gruffly. “Lying would tear you up and send you right back to the streets, because it’s not what you’re made of, son.”
“I know. Thank you,” Quincy said, choking up at Biggs’s support. “I didn’t mean it. But the tears and the fear in Roni’s eyes when I told her will haunt me forever.”
“As they should. More fuel for the staying-clean fire,” Biggs said with a serious stare.
“Right, but it sure would be easier if I felt like I didn’t deserve to be loved. Then I could just walk away. I know I fucked up for too many years, but I’m a good man. Your family, Tru, Gemma, everyone has shown me that I’m worthy of giving and receiving love.”
“I believe you always knew you were, darlin’,” Red said. “Otherwise you wouldn’t have gotten clean or stayed clean.”
Quincy held out his finger, and Axel grabbed hold. “It’s crazy that I’ve got this empty place inside me right now. Like I left a piece of myself with her.”
Biggs studied him for a beat and said, “Are you fighting the dragon?”
“No. I have no desire to use drugs. Drugs can’t fill this void. It’s different from when Tru went to prison. I’m different. This emptiness is different from anything I’ve ever felt. But somehow I know nothing can fill it. It’s like a space inside me reserved for us, for me and Roni, and I know that sounds crazy.”
“That’s not crazy, son. I saw love between you, too,” Biggs said. “You might not know it yet, and she might not either, but it was as real and present as that baby in your arms.”
“I think I might have lost her,” Quincy admitted, the words cutting him like a knife. “I told her I’d give her space, but it feels wrong not to go plead my case and tell her how much she means to me.”
“Don’t push, honey, and don’t give up hope,” Red encouraged. “Matters of the heart don’t run on a timeline, and they can’t be forced. Look at Bear. He waited months for Crystal to finally go out with him. The boy was so lovesick, it dripped off him. And Bullet wanted to plow in guns blazing to claim Finlay, but for the first time in his life, he learned to listen, to be gentle, and ease in as best he could. He was kind of like a Mack truck plowing at half speed, but that’s what love does to a person. It shows them what they can be for the right person. It might take Roni a day, a week, or a few months before she knows what she can handle and what she wants. But if she chooses to walk away, then she wasn’t the right person and we were all wrong. That’ll hurt, baby, maybe worse than anything else you’ve ever felt. But we’ll still be here for you.”
“I know. I appreciate that.”
“What are you looking for today, son?” Biggs asked. “What can we do to help you through this?”
Quincy sat back and said, “When I was growing up, other kids talked about what it was like to be with their parents, and I never understood their feelings of comfort or the sense of reassurance they gained from just watching television with them or having family dinners where they talked about their days. But thanks to you two, I get it now. I guess I needed to hear that I was doing the right thing by