to want more for herself than to only seek others’ happiness. I wanted her to make decisions that would make her smile and I wanted her to have the life she deserved.
“I’m sorry if I have offended you,” Miriam said as she studied me. “I often speak the truth or what I feel is the truth. My mother always said I was too blunt and should bite my tongue. I fear I never listened.”
Realizing my thoughts must have put a scowl on my face, I quickly remedied that and softened the line of my lips. “I prefer honesty and bluntness,” I told her. “I also agree with you fully.”
She didn’t seem convinced, but she also did not push the matter. Miriam Bathurst rarely pushed anything. She wouldn’t search for her happiness. She was only concerned with her sister’s. Something deep within me ached for the little girl who hadn’t been shown love from her father. The young woman whose mother wanted her to sacrifice her future for her family. How could I take advantage of her situation, if I couldn’t accept a similar future for Emma?
“Noble,” I said and Miriam turned her gaze once again to me. Her eyebrows lifted in question at my singular word. “You forgot noble. A gentleman should be noble. Not in mere title but in deed. He should make decisions based on what is right and what is fair,” I finished.
Miriam thought upon my words but for a moment then nodded her head once. “Indeed,” she agreed. “He must be noble.”
There were many things in that moment that could be said but a battle was waging inside me. I wasn’t sure if I was noble enough and when the time came could I be labeled as such. Miriam Bathurst was exactly what Emma needed but was Emma and myself what Miriam needed… or deserved?
Standing I held out a hand to Miriam. “Take a walk with me. Let’s enjoy the sunshine for it is England, and at any moment, the rain may come.”
Miriam placed her gloved hand in mine and stood up. “Sounds like an excellent idea. Although I am not sure the rain will come today. There is not a cloud in the sky,” she replied.
I felt the moisture in the breeze and knew it would be here sooner than either of us wanted it to be. “Regardless, let’s enjoy the moment,” I said.
Miriam walked beside me as I thought of a topic of conversation that would take my mind from the previous things we had spoken of. The smell of roses caught the breeze and it was if the air was but their perfume. I watched as Miriam inhaled deeply, taking in their scent. I was sure I’d never seen a sight as lovely as she. Sunlight often highlighted the imperfections on one’s face, yet with her, it just brightened the purity of her beauty. I could be happy with her. Not just because I was attracted to her outward appearance but because she was a female I truly enjoyed being around. I sought out her presence and desired her conversation.
“Tell me, Miriam, what is your favorite piece of literature?” I asked her, realizing again how little I knew of the things that delighted her. I was sure no one had ever taken the time to find out what they were and I wanted to know. I wanted her to feel like she mattered. Her dreams, her joys, her dislikes, they all mattered.
“Justine ,” she replied.
“Truly?” I asked surprised by her response. I was unsure if she was but teasing me or if this was, in fact, her favorite novel.
Miriam smirked. “So you’ve read it?” she asked me.
“I have. Like you I too enjoy reading.”
“Even Marquis de Sade?” she asked with an amused tone.
“Especially Marquis de Sade,” I assured her and that caused her to laugh. It was a sound I was sure I would never tire of and felt a moment of melancholy at the idea I might not always hear it.
“Tis nothing but a miracle Mother never found the book in my room. I found it in my father’s library after his death. Mother has no interest in reading and never went in there herself. I don’t even know if she would know the plot of the book, but for fear she had heard gossip among the shallow-minded, I took it and hid it in my room. I lost three nights sleep unable to put it down.”
I pictured a younger Miriam hiding