doesn’t work like that.
I’ve lived my whole life knowing that my parents didn’t want me. They castrated my virtual identity for the chance of a better life. But that payout was for them, not me. So if Barbelo Nemo really is my father, what difference does that make? Either way my dad is an asshole.
I would like to know about my mother though. The closest thing I’ve ever had to a mom is Lydia, and that was pretty much messed up from the start.
But Lydia still might be my best hope. She might be Beau’s salvation too. That’s what my instincts tell me. Because I could fight Barbelo or I could fight Lydia, but I probably couldn’t fight them both. Not when Lydia has a gun. Not when Beau’s in no position to fight.
So today when Barbelo is in the garden, I approach Lydia. She’s in her cloister on her yoga mat, but the door is open. I’m supposed to be washing dishes.
“We have to help Beau,” I kneel next to her mat.
Lydia’s in Lotus position. She opens one eyelid and peers at me. “That’s not possible.”
“I have to help Beau,” I say again. “I’m going to do something, with or without you.”
Now I’ve got her attention.
“No way,” Lydia says quickly, opening both eyes now. “You can’t do that. He’ll lock you up again.”
“Not if you don’t tell him.” I put both of my hands on her shoulders and give her my most intense smile ever. “You’re inspirational. I’ve looked up to you ever since the first time we met. You always make the best decisions. You always protect the weak. You’re the most courageous Vestal I know.”
But the truth is Lydia looks scared. Even with me telling her exactly what she wants to hear, she doesn’t say anything. Or maybe the problem is that I’m not telling Lydia what she wants to hear after all.
“Please, Ms. Lydia. We have to do this. It will be like a mother/daughter adventure.”
“After lunch,” Lydia whispers with tears in her eyes. “I’ll unlock the door for you at one o’clock, but you won’t have much time.”
We don’t have much time now either. Our conversation is interrupted by the sound of footsteps approaching.
I slide into Downward Dog, like a yoga genius. Lydia and I both Salute the Sun. When Barbelo walks in, the two of us are doing yoga together.
Like the old days, back at the manor.
Tiny sips of water, little bits of fruit, gentle words and cooing; coaxing Beau out from underneath his cot is like helping an injured bird. He is startled and shaky. When I reach out to touch his hand, he pulls it back.
“Beau, it’s me,” I whisper. “I’m here to help you.”
Beau stares at me without recognition. He’s been cloistered too long.
I feel like a traitor for trying, but I say the blessing, in case it will help. “Beau, you have a hard road. In so many ways it’s difficult being you. But I know that you can do it. You have everything you need to achieve happiness.” I hold my wrist out to him so he can see my cuff.
Beau doesn’t respond for a few moments. But then he reaches out his own cuff, and the blessing is complete.
“Blanca!” he says harshly, as if his vocal chords have been damaged.
“You need to eat,” I say. “Come out so I can give you some food.”
He’s skeletal. As soon as Beau crawls out from under the bed, I see how much he’s truly suffered. I don’t recognize him. His hair is matted around his face like he’s grown wild.
“Eat,” I say. “Eat your fill and get stronger.”
Beau waits a few seconds, suspicious, and then he tears into the food with both hands.
I take the linen napkin and wipe away the plum juice dripping down Beau’s chin. He scarfs down the food so fast I worry he’ll choke. “I’m going to be back, Beau. I’ll get us out of here. So you have to be ready. Do you understand me? You have to be prepared.”
“Fatima?” Beau says, suddenly remembering. “How is Fatima?”
“She’s okay,” I say, hoping it’s the truth. Cal will keep Fatima safe, if he’s still alive. “You need to get stronger so that when we escape, we can go back to her.”
“But what about Barbelo?” Beau asks. “He says that—”
“It doesn’t matter what Barbelo says,” I say softly. “He’s not the boss of you.”
“Then who is? Who?”
“Nobody’s the boss of us,” I answer. “That’s why you need to get