big, but he never struck me as someone who could be fast.
He was a viper.
In a split second he had Kyle shoved against the bar with his arm twisted behind his back, his cheek pressed into the counter.
The bouncer showed up out of nowhere. “You and you, out,” he said, pointing at Josh and Kyle.
Josh let go of his drunk idiot and I grabbed my purse and jumped from my stool, making my escape before he tried to get me to go with him. I threaded my way through empty high-top tables toward the ladies’ room, but Josh caught up and grabbed my arm.
“So you’re just gonna run from me? We’re not going to talk about this?”
I whirled on him and yanked my arm down. “No, we’re not. There’s nothing to talk about. I’m single, we’re not a thing. You knew that from the beginning.”
The pain rippled across his face.
I’d never seen him like this. I’d never seen him worked up before about anything. He was always so laid back, and all I could think was that I’d managed to hurt this sweet man. It gutted me. I couldn’t keep looking at him.
I made to move past him to the ladies’ room, desperate to hide from the damage I caused, but he blocked my way. “How can you act like today didn’t happen, Kristen?”
“Josh, I don’t want to argue with you. Move,” I said, glaring at him.
His jaw set and I pushed past him. Then he picked me up and threw me over his shoulder like I was a fire hose. Hooting and cheering erupted in the bar.
“Josh! Put me down!”
I struggled uselessly against his grip. He had seventy-five pounds on me, and he was on a mission. I wasn’t going anywhere. His arms locked like a cage.
“You’re not running from me anymore,” he said. “You’re talking to me.”
He came out through the double doors into the parking lot, and he didn’t set me down until we were on the grassy divider by the street.
As soon as I got my feet under me, indignant rage bubbled over. “Don’t ever do that again. I’m not your fucking possession,” I hissed at him.
His eyes flashed. “No, you’re not my anything, are you? I’m allowed to touch you as long as I don’t act like it means something, right?”
The emotion on his face twisted my insides. Anguish and despair swirled in his eyes.
I turned back for the bar to escape that look, and his arms were around my shoulders in a second, locking my back against his chest.
His lips went to my ear. “I can see the way you feel about me when you don’t think anyone is looking. I fucking see it, Kristen.” His voice cracked. “I remember what you said to me that night in Vegas. I remember.”
All of the fight drained out of my body in an instant.
He breathed into my ear. “Why won’t you just let me love you?”
A sob burst from my mouth, and I went limp in his arms. He held me up, hugging me to himself, absorbing my surrender.
I turned in the circle of his embrace and buried my crying in his shirt. He put his face into my neck and held me so tightly I couldn’t breathe. But I didn’t want to breathe. I wanted to be his prisoner. I wanted to never escape.
Tears poured out of me. “I can’t, Josh.” I gasped into his chest. “You don’t know it all.”
“Then tell me,” he said. He pulled away from me and spoke to my eyes. “What is it? Because I know you want me. I know you’re acting. Just tell me why.”
How do you share something like that? How could I tell him that my body could never do the one thing he needed it to? I couldn’t. I couldn’t get the words out. I couldn’t bear to see my value drop in his eyes, see him realize I wasn’t actually what he wanted.
Less of a woman.
Damaged goods.
Barren.
Sterile.
I shook my head, biting my lips together. “Josh, you should just forget about me. Get serious with one of those other women you see. Have sex with them. Move on.”
He let out a puff of exasperation. “What other women? There are no other women. There never has been. Do you know what I’m doing when you think I’m on dates? I’m at home, alone, wishing I was with you. This is what you’ve made me into. I pretend to see other people because I know if I