I tried. I didn’t like the helpless feeling it gave me.
I realized, looking at her, that as much as it fucking sucked that all I was to her at the moment was a booty call, I’d take whatever she was willing to give me. If she wanted nothing but a friend with benefits right now, that’s what I’d be for her, because the way I felt about her wouldn’t let me refuse any chance at getting closer to her.
I cleared my throat. “I didn’t know you were going to be over here. I wasn’t trying to crowd you,” I said a little more seriously.
“I know.” She looked away from me, her smile falling a bit. “Josh, I’m not sure us hooking up again is a good idea.” Her eyes flicked back to me.
Shit.
I could respect her wishes if she wanted to back out for her own reasons. But if she thought she was sparing me any grief while she got over Tyler, I needed to set her straight.
“Do I get any say?” I asked, tipping my head a little to catch her eyes. “You don’t want anything committed right now. I get that. Let’s just keep things casual. We like hanging out with each other. The sex is good. Let’s not overthink it.”
She looked up at me. “And you would be okay knowing that it’s never going to lead to anything else?”
Why she felt the need to slap the word “never” onto it was a little much. She’d get over Tyler at some point. But it made sense that she didn’t want to put a time stamp on it. And I had the feeling if I even alluded to the possibility of us one day being more, she would bail. For now at least, yes, I was fine with the current arrangement. I could wait it out.
“My expectations are managed,” I said.
“And you’re going to see other people.”
She said it more as a statement than a question. Like she was confirming that I was aware this was an expectation of hers and I had to agree to comply.
“If I feel like it, yes.” I wouldn’t feel like it.
“And I will see other people. So you understand that.”
This was harder. But I reasoned she would see other people whether her and I were hooking up or not, so it didn’t change my decision. And part of me thought that if I stuck around, she wouldn’t date anyone else. She’d enjoyed the sex as much as I had—that was pretty fucking obvious. I’d just have to meet all her needs, a duty I was more than willing to fulfill.
“You’re single. I’d expect you to date other people too,” I said.
She studied my face for a moment, like she was searching for a reason to say no. She must not have found one.
“Okay. If you think you can handle it,” she said.
Neither of us moved. We watched each other. One of our comfortable silences.
My eyes openly roamed her beautiful face. Her thick lashes, dark hair that just grazed her delicate shoulders, a long, graceful neck. Full lips.
I wished I could kiss her.
And the funny thing was she was staring at my mouth too. But her expression was pained. Like just looking at me hurt.
Damn, Tyler fucked her up. I hated that fucking guy.
Sloan called out from the kitchen. “Dinner’s ready.”
Kristen turned without another word. I followed her in the soft flurry of her tart-apple perfume and took the chair next to her at the table.
Stuntman Mike plopped on the floor between us. I leaned over, petting his head, and whispered to Kristen. “I hear this place has great food. Why don’t we eat here more often?”
If I was here to cheer her up, I was going to do just that.
Her face softened. “It’s hard to get a reservation,” she whispered. She glanced at my lips again before her eyes came up to meet mine.
“I know a guy,” I said. “Although I heard they had to close for a few days after the place got vandalized a couple weeks back.”
She raised her eyebrows. “Oh yeah?”
I nodded and looked over at Sloan before continuing, my voice low. “The worst TP’ing Canoga Park has ever seen. No leads. Probably an inside job.”
She smiled, and I saw her mood lift before my eyes.
Brandon came in from the direction of the bedroom and sat down, sliding something across to me. “Look what I got.”
Sloan moaned, setting a Caesar salad in the middle of the table. “Oh God. Not